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“Shut up!” I was listening to the audio playback of an interview I did with my friend, Moira, and I wanted to scream. I turned off the the “noise” and called Moira. “We have to re-do this interview. I cannot send this out.” Moira, being the gracious person she is, agreed. (Sheeew.)
We rescheduled our interview and I got busy. What wasn’t working? What is my story? Was I too unprepared? What did I say in other interviews that worked? We reset our stage and recorded the second show. Afterwards, I didn’t feel much better. (I sent the recording out anyway.) What happened? The content was good. It’s what I teach. It’s what I do. Why isn’t this interview working? Our chemistry is not coming through. Then it hit me … Moira and I had an incompatible date. We were both in the same role. Two Heroes discussing my business. It didn’t work. We were competitive without realizing it.
I expected the interview to go a certain way, but it didn’t. There was no flow. No fun. Moira was the appropriate Hero. I wasn’t. Moira was the host. She made the plan. I was the invited guest who behaved rudely. (It wasn’t intentional.) When I was single I used to disrespect my dates this way. I would think of topics to discuss at dinner beforehand.
I rehearsed stories that would entertain him over dessert. I wanted my performance to be perfect. Like a BAAAD date, I talked and talked and talked. I didn’t learn much about my date and what he was about because I was too busy performing. Can you relate? The evening would usually leave me feeling flat. Like I’d worked really hard and had done my part, but it wasn’t enough. (Of course he didn’t call back. I had overwhelmed him.) (Probably like many people on the call. Sorry if that was you.) I’ve learned my lesson. Let my mistakes help you from being a BAAAD date!
1. Be Present.
Are you present with the person? Are you in a conversation? Or are you busy deciding what to say next or worrying about what he is thinking?
This is so simple and yet, it’s shocking how we forget to be present. Do your best to stay in the moment without a prior agenda. Let the conversation flow and trust it will take you where you need to go.
I didn’t hear many of Moira’s questions until I heard the recording. How many times have you come in from an evening and can’t remember anything the guy said? Did you hear him? Did you like what you heard? Did you answer the questions he asked?
(You may be surprised if you heard your own recording. )
3. Stop Performing.
Just show up. It is enough. You have everything you need to bring to the date by just being there. You will have answers to his questions. You don’t have to work hard to impress him.
He’ll be attracted or he won’t. He’ll resonate with you or he won’t. Your performing will only turn him off and exhaust you. Stop working so hard.
Just listen to what he says and answer his questions. Got it?
4. Have Faith.
Follow his lead and see where it takes you. Lose your expectations and have faith in the outcome. Let your intentions go and enjoy the ride.
See how it feels. Is it exciting or terrifying? Good. Have fun with it.
Do you think maybe since I’ve learned all this, Moira would do another interview?