Дневник с Крузенштерна, год 2002-2003. Часть тридцать вторая.

Vrijdag de 25 Juli (25.07.2003 Friday)11.58 I have feeling of guilt that I write not so much. But I have not so much to write. And I think it because of I’m tired and don’t have something new in the live. In two weeks we changed time ahead and back, I work a lot (three days ago and yesterday I worked after working time and after dinner too), I’m waiting answer from my mother about birthday certificate and I’m waiting for end of the trip. Now we are painting everything and it is not so interesting. I told You about three girls on board. They together with three guys came from Swedish marine school for practice at sea. They work, take a part in sailing alarm. I took charge of three guys and they work with my ropes. Today and Yesterday I painted with one boy and one girl. They are 15, I think.
Chief mate offered to play some game without epaulets and ranges, like simple persons, in sail workshop. But most of the sailors didn’t want to play, they are afraid of it, I can’t understand why. And one more news – after Trawemunde we will go to Kaliningrad.
I think I will go to sleep after dinner, but I have thoughts like this every morning and never did it. I think I will not write more today.

Zaterdag de 26 Juli (26.07.2003 Saturday)08.11 Yesterday I wanted to sleep so much. And I said to Algis: “I will go to sleep early, and even if I will wake up at 6 o ‘clock, but I will be slept enough. And what do You think? I woke up at six, because two upper sails on fore mast became broken in during a night (it were took away, but not fixed to the Rheas)? And Osov made me awake with the rest fore mast sailors. We climbed up, fixed one sail and came back on the deck. At this moment broke off second sail. And we climbed up again and fixed it to the Rhea. Wind has been strong, and my hands... I told You, that after work with setting big antenna had pain in my arms. It was not true. I got this pain after arm wrestling with cadets. Three days ago I repeated it and got pain again. I thought I will be falling down and I didn’t want to go down after second rise. But I said no word about my pain, I just told to myself: “I must not to fall down, I have big family now”. And I hold tight through the pain and did my work. And it is not only words: "I love You". I love You.
22.43 I didn’t get today message from You, and last I got Yesterday at morning. It is big while for me. But now is no connection with radio center, I tried some times. I’m not worried, or, rather, not very much, but I miss You very deeply. I feel this world is not interesting for me without You. I get used to get message from You every day. And today I came to radio room one time – nothing, second time – nothing again. I was sitting next to radio room (where we spend first night together, else met Sven), looking at see in direction of You and thinking. “Where are You, Koshkatje, is nothing happened with You?” – was in my head.

Zondag de 27 Juli (27.07.2003 Sunday)11.57 Goeije dag, Mijn Lieve Koshkatje! I made You awake again. Oooh, I’m so sorry. Yesterday we came to Denmark coast, but yesterday I couldn’t send sms yet. For me was important to get answer from You. I didn’t finish to write sms, when started sailing alarm. I was running with handy and trying to finish writing.
I work now with Swedish trainees. First day I worked with 2 persons, second day – with three people, and yesterday in during the day they came all. Today morning they came together with them teacher (he looks funny with long dishevelled hair) and asked me for work. And they are painting, brashing rusty points, making white long fluffy thing for winding around steel rope ( yesterday they completed one and counted number of used little white ropes – 12600!!!), making wattled rug. And they work so good, with patience. I’m busy with finding work for them. But weather is not so good – sometimes rain, sometimes waiting for rain.
I know how to say “thank you” and “you are welcome” in Swedish – “tack so muklig’ and “war so good”. I spend one day for it.
20.10 My handy is prescribed for sending sms right away to You, without looking in telephone book. And it played joke with us. I pushed one button and sms for Etienne You got.
And I will not write what I thought today about. Ask me and I will tell You. I didn’t believe to my mind today and I didn’t doubt in You. It was just situation. Ask me and I will tell You. I found words of love in Your last message and when I wrote Your sms to PC I found more else. I thing it is just my feeling in situation.
I think I can not write today something else. I will go to sleep. I love You with all my heart more than my life. I know about it, and today I felt it so deep.

Шведские юнги и матросы фока.

Woensdag de 30 Juli (30.07.2003 Wednesday)20.33 I’m so tired.

Vrijdag de 1 Augustus (01.08.2003 Frijday)22.35 I didn’t write diary last days. After day without connection, after this day of bad feelings I didn’t have power to write something. I slept enough and worked enough. And with every next day I had to write more and more, but next to computer I felt that is not possible. And in last days I had a lot of bed emotions with everything. Situation on the ship is so nervous, I don’t know why. And I feel – I became irritable, but just with some crew and cadets. With another people relation didn’t change. One day with Algis I decided to change wear. We dressed clothes of each other and came to launch, sat to place of each other and ate. He looked so funny and me to. First nobody noticed it, and just some people sow it later, but I got so good mood.
Yesterday at morning I was so angree, so angree, I went away from fore mast till dinner and didn’t speak with Sasha and Victor the rest of the day. They were so stupid and wanted to play with water, when I was needed to paint. Before this day I prepared a lot for painting, I wanted to do it so good, because I will leave ship soon, it was so important work for me, and I was needed just half in hour for painting. I can’t explain everything, but trust me, I was so angree and I had reasons for it. And everyday happen something like this. I’m waiting for end of august so much, ‘cause I don’t like to work with some those people, though I like so much Kruzenshtern. I will start new life, with You, with happiness, and Your sun will be with me always.
Now If You get what I mean I will start to comment Your Diary, I have a lot to say.
Hey, I didn’t feel Your not so nice reaction about date of invitation. We told about it and I always remembered that You love me. But I love that You are thinking about Your action, analyzing Yourself. Thank You for it, I accept Your apologies.
In Sunday of 19th July Suba first time ask for Your attention. We will remember this day. It is going formation of them character. Step by step. I like to read about it.
Koshkatje, You used word “bad conscience”. I felt it too some last days, because I didn’t write a lot, but I think it must be like this – You will write how much You can Or how much You have or how much You need. And no bad conscience about it. If it will give You bad feelings, I will have bad conscience about it. Don’t worry! ;-)
Really, we feel the same. I’ reading diary and I can confirm all Your feelings. Is it not magic? I would like to read Diary with You together and discuss about it.
I slept so deep and didn’t hear ringer of Your sms at 4 o’clock. And I answered it so late, because started sailing alarm or something else (parusniy avral, for example) and I got free time so late.
...To Domburg, were lying on the beach (don’t worry with two parts of my bikini!!!)... – reed I and took a long breathe of relief ;o).
I’m so proud that koshkatjes are so smart and found exit from toilette with roof!!!!
Well, I already told You about this song. When You said me it, I was repeating it all next week to everybody. It is so nice words and so right.
You know, You are, I am, we will marry soon, we are thinking about it, but it works without us also. Sometimes I feel myself so lonely, it seems that nobody think about me, that is no business of them. But then.... You sister wants to buy new dress especially for our wedding, doesn’t matter for her it is official or not, in jeans we’ll do it or not. We are not alone (It is from a song too). I feel it.
Bota is dog! And Suba is wondering about it? Ooh, me too!!
18 gray mat plates? Am I right?
Oh, Koshkatje, I will go to sleep, now is half past twelve, I will write some more tomorrow morning before I’ll go to Internet. I’m so happy I could talk with You today, it was so important for me. When I was keeping silence - I was smiling, because You are in my life, because I can hear You, because we love each other. I’m so happy!!!!!!!

Zaterdag de 2 Augustus (02.08.2003 Saturday)08.28 Goede Morgen, Mijn Lieve Koshkatje! I went to sleep yesterday late, but I woke up at 6.30 and feel myself so good. Today is not hot here and I will go to library first and next to museum. But now I’m continuing to talk with You about Your diary.
I think one right way for Brigitte – to get Russian citizenship and go to work on Kruzenshtern. But do it for Shenja??? Never! Not for him – for Kruzenshtern, for herself, but not for him. Really.
I’m waiting for Rostock to get CD with movies about koshkatjes. They are so nice – I can’t imagine something else.
I thought we will married in September, right after my arriving. But in Oktober is OK too. We will prepare something nice and it will be real little wedding-day. With beautiful music, special rings, some guests who can come themselves, and some surprises.... Mmmmm. We will make it nice.
Well, I think so – one time is more better than nothing. But I have not been in sport room last month. I had no time for it and didn’t want. In Breda with You I will do it more often, hoor!
How long was You looking for empty spot for DVD? I think I can find some empty spots for something else in Your house. Ask me and I will help You, OK, Koshkatje?
7 sms from me is not possible, Iratje!!! May be together with sms for Etienne and with next explanation about it? And I’m thinking – where is my money from handy? 7 sms!!!! I will never do it again!!! ;-)he-he-he)
About present for wedding I didn’t think yet. You are more creative with it. Sleeping bags? Ok, I wish so. With Your words about vacation with tent my imagination makes so nice pictures in my head. I hope we will do it a lot.
I’m really so proud I didn’t tell You about all postcards. It must be surprise. I wanted to send it, because Your family and Brigitte don’t know that they mean a lot in my life.
Say hallo back to Sarah and Yoris.
And My congratulation to Leo (Iratje! Gefeliciteerd met Leo! Margriet! Gefeliciteerd met Leo!)! We will follow them way of happy life together!

Курсант читает на полубаке.

Шведские юнги на аврале.

Ещё одна фотография на память.

Владик Коновалов, плотник.

Вид с бушприта.

Проход под мостом Большой Бельт на мачте второго грота.