Дневник с Крузенштерна, год 2002-2003. Часть тридцать четвертая, последняя.

Vijftiende van Augustus, Vrijdag (15-08-2003, Пятница) 20.16 Unfortunately, we can’t talk tonight, cause we are still at sea. Because of storm and strong wind Kruzer could sail very slow and now we are late in 11 hours. It starts yesterday afternoon and now is almost finished. Ship was rolling heavily and waves were coming on deck. I got headache in time of rolling of the ship.
Three last days I tried to send to You sms, but didn’t have just a little bit of good luck for success. Two times I even sow coast, but… And when I woke up today morning to go to toilette I took handy, because I knew something: we are sailing next to German coast, You are so warm and soft in the bed and You will be glad to get sms from me! I became frozen in that half in hour, but I went to sleep happy.

Zeventiende van Augustus, Zondag (17-08-2003, Воскресенье)15.56 In time of tea I watched movie which in woman and man from different countries tried to get pro forma merriage. They were needed to convince people from city hall that they know and love each other. They answered different question about each other separately: what is her cream for skin, on which side of bed they like to sleep... In the end of the film they felt in Love with each other, of course. It is not matter. You told me we need to pass through the such procedure. Do you know what is my parfume? Or what is my favorite dish? And I have some more question about You.
23.48 I just finished to talk with You. Oh, it is three in a half more weeks and we can talk how much we want. I need it. I can’t write everything. And what do You think about my condition, if when You told me that You are naked in the bed I thought “Doesn’t matter You are naked or not – I can talk with You some minutes, I need it”? I need You in my life. I want to tell You about my thoughts and emotions, feelings and gladness, to listen You about everything Yours, to touch You and Your hair, skin in during the conversation, to feel Your interest, concern, warmth and Love. And I don’t think now about sex. From masturbation I can get something like orgasm, but I can’t get satisfaction from talking with myself. I hope You understand what I mean.
I didn’t write so much, because nothing is interesting. Voyage is going to finish, no hard or interesting work. And every working day goes by looking for any work – it makes me lazy for everything. And I decided – OK, let to go those days without the good for me, but as fast as possible. I sleep, read books, watch movies, play games. Today I finished book of Ernest Hemingway “Who is bell ringing about”. It is 469 pages about 4 days in a second world war in Spain. One shot-firer came to partisans to blow up the bridge and felt in love with girl. It were 4 the best and most hard days in his life. They had very little chance for good luck, but they got it, crushed the bridge and in last second man got serious wound and couldn’t go away with all people and his beloved. I finished reading and went out on deck, lay down and was looking in dark sky, because I took it so hard and felt keenly. I couldn’t talk about it with somebody and I felt so lonely and thought about You – only You with Your Love can help me.

Штиль (фотка не моя, подарена туристом). 

Achttiende van Augustus, Maandag (18-08-2003, Понедельник) 12.08 Interestingly, Are You still sleeping or not? It is noon...
I asked Yesterday my boatswain Lionja for work for me, because when I work with cadets, they work and I have nothing to do. He gave me job to paint door to room of conditioners next to fore mast (when You go down stairs from upper deck to fore mast deck on starboard side, you need to turn right – first door is door to inside of the ship and next door is mine now). Inside of the door I painted yellow with a lot of red-white flowers – white circle in center and 5 red circles around. It looks nice. I’m not painter, I can’t paint good, but some little circles is not difficult. It will be little memories about me. I think tall serious ship as Kruzenshtern is must have something sweet and funny inside. Sasha offered to paint windlass for mooring ropes like stump/stub in the forest, but I think it will not happen.
My finger still hurts. What about finger? – will you ask me. In time of last storm first I pinch one’s foot in a door (I came inside to little room of ventilation, and one of my foot stayed outside. Ship lay over and Heavy door with all one’s might caught my foot). Than next day, when I told about it to laundry women, door into cabin caught the same my finger on left hand and it was more painful then with my foot. When I talk about it I laugh – it is not so tragic. No fracture, just strong contusion.
23.27 I played with computer 2 hours – was killing terrorists. I know, You don’t like games with guns. But I will tell to our children – game is not life, you can hurt somebody just in the computer game. Everything what you will do in your life must to increase good in the world (or, at least, not decrease). And You think when we will have children I will have time to play PC games? I don’t think so.
Today heat changed for rain and cold wind. I think it autumn is approaching. Anyway we didn’t work so much, because of rain and exams of cadets. They had exams for getting them first profession – sailor of second class. After work I slept till dinner and then went to radio room. Yesterday I said to Igor that I will arrange little stag-party, because he asked me about it last month. Yesterday I didn’t stand and said ‘Yes. OK”. But I thought about and I will not do it. I would like to organize party for all nice people, but anyway some stupid people would come for free food and drink. (Go to read the fucking book!!!) And I find it not so nice. I will do nothing. I did enough before.

Negentiende van Augustus, Diensdag (19-08-2003, Вторник)21.17 Goede Avond, Koshkatje! Today is one week untill I will leave Kruzenshtern. I didn’t know before one motorman said me about it. I counted time when I will come to You – 3 weeks and a little bit more. But matter is not about it.
I told today with Algis, we just were sitting around table and remembering our time in Academy. I – mine, he – his. I had a lot to tell him, a lot of very important things, mine successes and misfortunes, my life’s way. And I didn’t say a lot, because of time. I got used to keep silence, because usually everybody wanted to say, and I was good listener. And I didn’t have friend, the best friend, with who we could talk about everything. But now You are in my life. (Oh, thrill!..) We didn’t tell each other about our past, but not so much. Remember, we need to tell each other about our lives from … ok, from we can remember. May be it will come itself, but anyway we will talk about it.
Further in such mood I started to think about You. And what... I don’t remember when I said to You first time ‘I Love You’. I’m so sorry, I don’t, may be You remember. I remember, that at first I doubt in meaning of our relation because of my mind, which I changed a bit later. And I thrust the hand into the closed and took out big envelope from You (it is only part, first part from You), It has little envelope inside from our first three weeks.
It is French envelope, I bought it in Brest. Inside is four Your postcards which You presented me in first days together on Kruzenshtern. I put it inside back. Postcard which I bought in Le Conquete and didn’t send. Bus ticket for trip from Brest to Le Conquete. It says about all stops on the way, but You was sleeping one way (I admired by You) and busy with my hot face on way back. Little paper – bill from café in Le Conquete – 14.07.2002 17:24, champignons 3.20, liegeois 6.30, boissons froides 2.50. Do You remember yet? Of course, me too. Everything. Next two tickets – to Quimper and back. 7 letters, folded quaint – 5 big and 2 little (pages from notebook). I reed it today again and it is so, So SO nice! We will do it together one time. Yours and mine. Your first mail to Kruzenshtern. And my first answer to You after 5 days (why is it so long?) Little card with letter from Rostock (unfortunately I didn’t save something from little candy service;-). Ticket for tunnel on the way to Breda. And three little cards-surprises from Zeebrugge. It is all besides Your visit card. So nice, isn’t it?
Well, I found words of love everywhere, in every letter, card and paper. We said it to each other before 18.07.2002. In Brest. Please remember it, Koshkatje. My Love, it is so important!
And we will talk. About everything. I’m looking forward.
Now is already midnight. I was writing 3 hours, because radio room is full – left from me is going watching movie, right from me Igor is watching satellite television on PC, my headphones with music doesn’t help so much. But I will go to sleep right no

21-08-2003, DonderdagPrivet , Mijn Lieve Koshkatje!
I promised You second part of present for our first anniversary. It is not so big part, like first one. It is just combination. Combination of absolutely different things or things which had no meaning without our meeting - time, ship, city, thoughts, senses and something nobody knows else. Or nice memory – You can’t hold in Your Smile when looking this picture, I’m sure. I started to write word “Smile” with big letter – cause Your Smile is so important for Me. It is one of the things making me happy. But when You look serious I love You not less.
Well, Wilhelmshaven, Kruzenshtern, 6th of July, one-year Mishkatje with thoughts about You and we are so close to each other in Thoughts, Desires, Hopes, Dreams, Love, Happiness. May be Birthdays else.

With Love, Your Mishkatje – smart and foolish, cheery and sad, strong and soft…

P.S. And four pictures more – with You – as I see You, as I love You.

Drieentwintigste van Augustus, Zaterdag (23-08-2003, Суббота) 12.49 I had to talk with You and came to radio room. Trawemunde or what I sow in Trawemunde – it is little part of Lubeck, with big big big beach, big 32-stages hotel looking like tower and 4-mast bark Passat. I like also main street with looking different every old house.
16.45 Two Russian people came to radio room, when I started to write, and ask some question about Kruzenshtern. I did excurtion for them.
17.51 I can’t finish one sentence, something happens. I just started to write and those two Russian people (it is guy with girl, they are 22-25 years old) came again and brought 4 packs of juice, because I didn’t take money for excursion (they liked it so much), and they came to Trawemunde from company “Wim–Bill-Dann” with a lot of juice. They invited me to them little bar, but I wanted to write and I said no. I just came to radio room - and one of mooring bitts on the berth broke away (nobody suffered) and I helped with it. And at 15.00 I went with Brigitte to cafe to talk and have ice cream. And I didn’t have time to send You sms about it. Wait a minute, I will do it.
18.38 You called me and My Hopes to write something becomes importunate. I will stop. I will tell YOU EVERYTHING EYES TO EYES SOON. It was Caps Look, sorry. Ok, Koshakatje, Bye-Bye! I love You with all my heart. I’m so thankful to You. You know and don’t know for what. Bye-Bye. Kiss, Kiss, Kiss. 1, 2, 3...........................

Играем в книффель на шпиле на шкафуте (фотка не моя, подарена туристом).

В Травемюнде. Четвертый помощник капитана Саша Якушев инструктирует курсантов, заступающих на вахту.

Рассвет в Травемюнде. Одна из последних моих вахт на трапе.

Еще один из винджаммеров серии "Пи" - "Пассат", на вечной стоянке в Варнемюнде.

В Травемюнде ежегодно проводится праздник парусов "Hansa Sail". Расцвечен огнями мексиканец "Гуатемок". 

Пустая набережная.

Уже совсем рассвело.

Солнце восходит.

Неизвестно откуда в средневековое утро в одном из германских портов появляется гость из будущего.  

Доброе утро, Солнце!

Перья и мудузы у причала.

Вот откуда перья.

Начинается новый день, вахта с 4.00 до 8.00 заканчивается.

Крузенштерн в Травемюнде. Это мой последний снимок эпохи морских путешествий. Из Травемюнде Крузенштерн пришел в польскую Гдыню для смены курсантов, откуда я на автобусе вернулся в Калининград, чтобы через две недели, собрав свои вещи в пару чемоданов, переехать в Нидерланды. 11 сентября 2003 года я приехал в Бреду к Ире, 4 октября того же года мы поженились. 25 ноября 2007 года у нас родилась дочь Лена, которая 15 августа 2009 года в Рейкьявике впервые ступила на палубу Крузенштерна. Круг замкнулся. Ира тогда уже была беременна Яшей, который родился 4 марта 2010 года. Без Крузенштерна всего этого могло бы и не быть.

КОНЕЦ.