Xullas Jordan Petersonni hayot uchun 12 qoida kitobida 2 ta fikr bor men muhokama qiladigan va oz hayotimda qollashim lozim bo`lgan.

• 1 - hayotda eng yaxshi narsalarni yaxshilar oladi (Bu yerda yaxshi deganda zorlar yani oz ishining ustalari, uddaburonlar, ishbilarmonlar, bir necha sifatni ozida jamlab atrofdagilardan barcha jabhalarda o`tganlar tushuniladi)
• 2- “Eng real tartib eng kam ozgaruvchi tartibdir va u doim ham kozga tashlanmaydi. Kishi yaproqqa qarab butun daraxtni kozdan qochirishi yoki daraxtga qarab ormonni kozdan qochirishi mumkin. Ota real hodisalar (deylik, doim bolgan hukmronlik iyerarxiyasini) umuman kormaymiz.

Doim birinchi, eng zori bolish

1 qoidani toldirishi sifatida yogidan bori ham tortib olinadi, boriga esa yana qoshib beriladini misol qilsak boladi.

qilinadigan ishlarda mutaxassis bolish koproq pul topishni va ushbu sohada koproq obro orttirishni taminlaydi. Sizni malum bir sohada zor bolishinigiz siz kichkina ishlardan xalos qiladi va bu oz navbatida siz yechgan qiyin vazifalar bilan yanada obroingizni orttirida, xullas boriz yanada kopayaveradi.

Buni misoli sifatida ikki bir xil odam bolsayu deylik advokat biri faqat oila nizolari bilan shugillandi, ayniqsa koproq nikohdan ajratish bolani olib berish ishlari bilan (Bunaqa ishlarni natijasi 90 holatda qanoatlantirilmaydi yoki advokatni hojati yoq)

ikkinchi advokat esa umumiy mulkni bolish, ushbu mulkni olib berish yani ijrosi bilan ham shugillandi.

Ikkinchi advokatga uzoq vaqt davomida talab oshadi, va ushbu ishlarda mutaxassisligi borligi uchun yaxshiroq gonarar tolashadi, bu uni oz navbatadi muvaffaqiyatini oshiradi, balkim vaqt otib u ozini firmasini tashkil qilib birinchi advokatni ishga olar.

Odamni yoki mutaxassisni qiymati u bajara oladigan, bajara olishga kuchi, malakasi, qobilyati yetadigan ishlar bilan o`lchanadi. Chunki hech bir shaxs dijurniy advokatga 500 mlni sdelkani huquqiy problemasini hal qilib bering deb bormaydi.

Menga xulosa oz ishimda mutaxassis bolmas ekanman, menga muvaffaqiyatli bolishga sabab yoq. Kishining ishi sababini qilish, natijasi ollohdandir.

Muammoning asli qayerda?

“Eng real tartib eng kam ozgaruvchi tartibdir va u doim ham kozga tashlanmaydi. Kishi yaproqqa qarab butun daraxtni kozdan qochirishi yoki daraxtga qarab ormonni kozdan qochirishi mumkin. Ota real hodisalar (deylik, doim bolgan hukmronlik iyerarxiyasini) umuman kormaymiz.

Men tepada zikr qilingan axmoqlardan biriman. Zero aytishganki aqlli muammolarni yecha oladi, donishmand esa muammolarni keltirib chiqarmaydi ya`ni oldini oladi deyishgan.

Xususan kechga qolish muammoning ozidir, ammo ulguramanda, vaqtida boramanda, 1 2 minutga kech qolsam hech narsa bolmaydi deyish muammoni keltirib chiqaruvchi urugdir (yani ushbu fikr muammoning yaratuvchisidir). Biz qanchalik aqlli bolmaylik, donishmand darajasiga otmas ekanmiz, ushbu muammolar bilan o`ralashib yurishga mahkummiz.

Bu hoalt ikkinchi fikrga olib keladi yani faqat bir xil muammolarni bir xil yol bilan yechadiganlar oz orinlaridan jilmaydigan odamlardir. Agarda ular Alisanning qaysidur oz oqida aylanuvchi sayyorasiga borishsa aniq orqaga ketishar edi.

Bundan tashqari rivojlanmayapsanmi demak ortga ketyapsan, bir xil muammoni faqat bir xil yechyapsanmi demak hali ham o`z joyingda turibsan.

Endi meni ishlarimga baho bersak men ozimning dota oynash problemamni har doim bir xil yechib kelganman kamida 3 4 yil shunday bo`lgan. dotani oxirigacha oynayman, turaman bir yuvinaman yoki havo almashtiraman va afsuslanib dars qilishim kerak deymanda dars qilishga kirib ketaman. ozroq otib charchayman va miyaga hech narsa kirmagandan keyin yana dotaga qaytaman.

bu kayf (man yoqtirgan ishlar) > deprissiya (yoqtirgan ishlarimni qilib vaqt yoqotganda olinadigan natija) > zarurat (nima xohlashimni oylash va ularga harakat qlish > dopamin yetishmasligi (zaruratni bajarishda zerikish qunt yetmasligi > yana boshidan (kayfga kettim)

BALKI HOZIR HAM SHUNDAYDIR?

treydingda muammo zarar korishim bolsa, uni tomiri man kormaydigan yeri bu tartibsiz order ochishdir. aniq tartib bilan qilingan orderlar zararda bolsada, umumiy sonda foydada kun yopilishi ehtimoli katta.

hozircha shular.

• What codependency is
• Signs of codependency
• Dependent on others or codependent?
• Examples
• Causes
• How to cope
• Self-care
• Next steps

Codependency often has you funneling your energy into supporting the people in your life without making space for — or even considering — what you need for yourself.

The main sign of codependency is consistently elevating the needs of others above your own. Other signs include controlling behaviors, self-sacrifice, and fear of rejection. But these aren’t the only ones.

Understanding what codependency really is and recognizing the signs of codependency in your behavior is an important first step toward building healthy boundaries and honoring your own needs.

What is codependency?

Codependency is a way of behaving in relationships where you persistently prioritize someone else over you, and you assess your mood based on how they behave.

Vicki Botnick, a marriage and family therapist in Tarzana, CA, explains that codependency often involves a sense of forgetting “where you end and your partner begins.”

The more you focus on providing the support you believe others need, the more heavily they may begin to lean on you. Over time, it becomes increasingly difficult to disentangle yourself.

Codependent traits can eventually:

• lead to a disconnect from your own needs and desires
• promote unhealthy relationship dynamics
• affect self-worth and overall well-being

Experts originally introduced the term “codependency” in the 1940s to help describe specific behavior patterns they noticed in partners and family members of people living with alcohol use disorder.

By this original definition, “codependent” might describe loved ones who “enabled” alcohol use, and the signs included:

• making excuses
• hiding the alcohol use
• protecting the person from any fallout or consequences of their actions

However, today experts agree that codependency has a more nuanced and complex meaning — and can show up in many situations, not just ones involving substance use.

“Codependency refers to any enmeshed relationship in which one person loses their sense of independence and believes they need to tend to someone else,” Botnick explains.

According to a 2018 research review, patterns of codependent behavior generally involve four main themes:

1. self-sacrifice
2. a tendency to focus on others
3. a need for control, which may fuel conflict
4. difficulty recognizing and expressing emotions

These themes can show up across various types of relationships — and even in the way you relate to yourself.

How to know someone is codependent: Main signs

Codependency isn’t considered a mental health condition, and experts have yet to outline specific diagnostic criteria for it. There is, however, some general agreement on what codependency usually involves.

Common signs of codependency include:

1. a deep-seated need for approval from others
2. self-worth that depends on what others think about you
3. a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or lighten a loved one’s burden
4. a tendency to apologize or take on blame in order to keep the peace
5. a pattern of avoiding conflict
6. a tendency to minimize or ignore your own desires
7. excessive concern about a loved one’s habits or behaviors
8. a habit of making decisions for others or trying to “manage” loved ones
9. a mood that reflects how others feel, rather than your own emotions
10. guilt or anxiety when doing something for yourself
11. doing things you don’t really want to do, simply to make others happy
12. idealizing partners or other loved ones, often to the point of maintaining relationships that leave you unfulfilled
13. overwhelming fears of rejection or abandonment

With codependency, the need to support others goes beyond what’s generally considered healthy.

If you behave in codependent ways, you don’t just offer support temporarily, such as when a loved one faces a setback. Instead, you tend to focus on caretaking and caring for others to the point that you begin to define yourself in relation to their needs.

Codependency vs. dependency

Some level of dependency is healthy in relationships. It may be tough to make it through life alone, and most people thrive with companionship and social support.

Interdependent relationships work better for both people involved. In other words, partners depend on each other. This means you don’t just focus on their needs or draw your value from self-sacrifice, but you’re available to support them when needed.

As Katherine Fabrizio, a therapist in Raleigh, NC explains, “A healthy, supportive relationship involves listening, striving to understand, and keeping in mind the concerns of another person. Codependency is when that caring behavior crosses the line into trying to direct or control them.”

Occasionally depending on others — and allowing them to depend on you — for help and support is perfectly valid. You can depend on someone for some things while still maintaining your own identity and sense of self.

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Healthy dependence also means you:

• state your own needs and desires
• ask for support when you find yourself struggling
• feel safe and comfortable expressing your own needs
• let others know when they’re asking too much of you without worrying they’ll reject you

In short, you support others — but not at the expense of your own needs.

Where does codependency become evident? Examples

Codependency most often shows up in romantic relationships.

According to Ellen Biros, a psychotherapist in Suwanee, Georgia, codependency can make it difficult to:

• set and maintain healthy boundaries
• validate and protect yourself emotionally
• make decisions on your own

As a result, you might go on to “pick emotionally abusive partners or friends, have trouble recognizing when you need to protect yourself, and remain in dysfunctional relationships,” Biros says.

Codependency can leave you feeling as if you lack purpose when you aren’t providing support. But fully devoting yourself to others may prevent you from doing anything for yourself.

For example, maybe you:

• give up your entire weekend to help a friend move, despite really needing a day to yourself
• agree to help a co-worker with their project, even though it means leaving your own tasks incomplete
• insist on stepping in to help sort things out every time your sister has an argument with her partner
• have trouble making decisions — where to live, whether to pursue a new career, when to spend time with friends — because you worry your choices might conflict with your partner’s needs

If you tend toward codependency, this pattern will likely play out again and again. All those sacrifices you make might eventually add up. This may leave you drained, overwhelmed, and even resentful or angry.

Example of codependency in a romantic relationship

Your partner is vegan. You don’t eat meat, but you decide to also give up dairy for their sake, even though they didn’t ask. Their main interests — sci-fi dramas, backpacking, and craft beers — become your chief hobbies, and you adopt their friends as your own.

You usually spend time together at their apartment, since you know they like being at home. Often, you stop by to help tidy up, put away laundry, and do some cooking. They’re so busy with work that you know they’d let their chores slide if you didn’t help out. Plus, your support reminds them just how much they need you.

When they share concerns and frustrations about work, you’re always ready with possible solutions. When they explain they just wanted to vent and don’t need you to fix anything for them, you become annoyed and frustrated. After all, you’re their partner. Shouldn’t you know just how they should handle the situation?

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What causes codependency?

Codependent behaviors are, for the most part, rooted in childhood relationships with your parents and other caregivers.

Experiences in your family of origin can play a major part in lifelong emotional and mental health.

“Most contributing factors to this condition begin with parents who, for one reason or another, have poor boundaries,” Botnick explains. And when your needs continually go unmet, you become unable to assert yourself or even know what you should ask for, she says.

Common causes of codependency

Botnick notes some key situations that might enable or lead to codependency:

• physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• parents or caregivers that ignore a child’s needs in favor of their own
• a caregiver with a personality disorder, such as borderline, narcissistic, or dependent personality disorder, which may encourage you to suppress your self-identity to accommodate them
• controlling or overprotective caregivers who prevent a child from learning safe limits and setting healthy boundaries
• one or both parents leaving the family, making you afraid of future abandonment
• caregivers alternating between loving and present and distant and unavailable, contributing to an anxious attachment
• criticism and bullying from parents, siblings, or peers that leaves you with lingering insecurity in relationships

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In any of the above circumstances, you might grow up believing your own needs don’t matter, or at least that they can wait. As a result, you learn to ignore what you think, feel, and want, both to keep others happy and keep them from leaving.

Perhaps a primary caregiver living with health or mental health concerns put you in a position where you needed to take care of them. The caretaking behaviors you learned may become so natural that you can’t help but carry them into future relationships.

Or maybe you learned that neglecting your own needs to please others earned you praise. You might grow up aiming to please everyone in your life so you can hold on to their affection and approval.

Support for codependency

Codependency is a learned behavior. That means it’s possible to unlearn the codependent traits causing you distress and affecting your relationships and well-being.

Left unaddressed, codependency can lead to:

• feelings of anxiety or depression
• feelings of emptiness
• a general sense of powerlessness or helplessness
• diminished self-esteem
• hopelessness
• burnout

Lacking a clear sense of who you are can also keep you from engaging in fulfilling friendships and relationships, leaving you feeling lonely and isolated.

Therapy for codependency

The signs of codependency we’ve listed above might offer a starting place, but recognizing codependency in yourself isn’t always a straightforward process.

Benefits of professional support for codependency

A mental health professional can offer support with:

• recognizing key signs of codependency
• overcoming people-pleasing tendencies
• addressing related mental health symptoms, including feelings of guilt, anxiety, or depression
• reconnecting with your sense of self
• setting healthy boundaries

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Therapists trained in family and couples counseling can also offer more insight on family-of-origin issues and help you begin to address childhood experiences that may have led to codependent coping techniques.

Couples counseling — you can go alone or with a partner — also offers a safe space to:

• learn and practice helpful communication techniques
• get more comfortable expressing needs and asking for support
• learn to distinguish healthy interdependence from codependence

How to stop being codependent: Self-care

Biros recommends therapy for codependency because it’s a complex dynamic that a person can’t always resolve properly on their own. The support of a trained professional can help you process any unresolved challenges.

However, if therapy doesn’t feel right for you or isn’t accessible to you right now, there are strategies you can use to help you take the first step.

Spend some time alone

Your relationship with yourself is just as important as the relationships you build with others, so it’s important to balance the time you spend with loved ones with regular time for yourself.

Alone time gives you the chance to:

• get in touch with your emotions
• reflect on daily experiences
• recharge your energy
• practice healthy self-care

Yet “alone time” can have a broader meaning, too.

If you find yourself drawn to distressing dynamics with people who rely on you to support them, a temporary break from romantic relationships provides a chance to explore and better understand these codependent traits.

Pursue your interests

Perhaps you haven’t made time for yourself in so long that you barely remember what you used to enjoy.

Establishing greater self-awareness is a large part of overcoming codependency. So, rediscovering the things you like and dislike can teach you more about who you are and what you want from life.

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Here are some examples:

• You’ve always wanted to take up birdwatching, but none of your partners have ever been interested.
• So, you decide to join a birdwatching group on your own.
• You run with your partner because that’s their preferred exercise — but swimming and yoga are the only types of physical activity you enjoy.
• So, you choose to focus on your fitness at the gym and encourage them to find another running partner.
• Your parents pushed you to enter medical school and become a doctor, so you suppressed your goal of becoming a geologist and studying volcanoes.
• So, you switch career tracks to pursue your preferred career.

Next steps

Codependency is putting somebody else’s needs before your own. While it’s very natural to want to support the people you love, it’s also important to draw a line between your needs and theirs.

A life lived for someone else won’t do much to fulfill you. You’ll also find it much easier to offer support when you prioritize your own wellness.

If you have a hard time recognizing your own needs, or have difficulty with asking for and accepting support from others, a therapist can offer compassionate guidance and support.

You can break a pattern of codependency. These resources can start you on your way:

• Co-Dependents Anonymous
• American Psychiatric Association’s find a psychiatrist tool
• American Psychological Association’s find a psychologist tool
• Asian Mental Health Collective’s therapist directory
• Association of Black Psychologists’ find a psychologist tool
• National Alliance on Mental Illness helplines and support tools
• National Institute of Mental Health’s helpline directoryTrusted Source
• National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
• Inclusive Therapists

here is link to original material

• Signs
• How it affects you
• Overcoming it
• If you're on the other side
• Takeaway

It’s understandable to want to help a loved one in a bind. But what if they didn’t want help?

Would you accept their refusal? Or would you insist on helping, believing you know exactly how to handle their problem, regardless of their desire to work it out themselves?

A savior complex, or white knight syndrome, describes this need to “save” people by fixing their problems.

If you have a savior complex, you might:

• only feel good about yourself when helping someone
• believe helping others is your purpose
• expend so much energy trying to fix others that you end up burning out

Here’s a look at how to recognize this kind of behavior and why it can do more harm than good.

What does it look like?

In general, people consider helpfulness a positive trait, so you might not see anything wrong with trying to save others. But there’s a difference between helping and saving.

According to Dr. Maury Joseph, a psychologist in Washington, D.C., savior tendencies can involve fantasies of omnipotence. In other words, you believe someone out there is capable of single-handedly making everything better, and that person happens to be you.

Here are some other signs that point toward savior tendencies.

Vulnerability attracts you

“White knighting” in relationships involves trying to rescue partners from distress. You might feel particularly drawn to people who’ve had more than their fair share of troubles in life.

This can happen because you’ve experienced pain and distress yourself. You have a lot of empathy for others who are suffering, so you want to take that pain away from them.

You try to change people

Joseph suggests many saviors “believe in their total power to impact others.” You might think you know what’s best for those you’re trying to help.

For example, you just know they can improve their life by:

• taking up a new hobby
• changing their career
• changing a specific behavior

For someone to change, they have to want it themselves. You can’t force it, so your efforts may eventually lead your partner to resent you.

What’s more, if you focus primarily on trying to change them, you probably aren’t learning much about who they really are or appreciating them for themselves.

You always need to find a solution

Not every problem has an immediate solution, especially big issues like illness, trauma, or grief. Saviors generally believe they have to fix everything. They often care more about fixing the problem than the person actually dealing with the problem does.

Sure, offering advice isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s also important to let others simply vent about difficult things they’re going through.

You make excessive personal sacrifices

“A savior complex can involve a sense of moral masochism, or self-sabotage for moral purposes,” Joseph says.

You might sacrifice personal needs and overextend yourself in order to take care of people who may not actually want help.

These sacrifices can involve things like:

• time
• money
• emotional space

You think you’re the only one who can help

Saviors often feel driven to save others because they believe no one else can. This ties back to fantasies of omnipotence.

Maybe you don’t really believe you’re all-powerful. But believing you have the ability to rescue someone or improve their life comes from a similar place.

This belief can also imply a sense of superiority. Even if you don’t have a conscious awareness of this, it can come across in the way you treat your partner. For example, maybe you take on a parental role by patronizing or correcting them.

You help for the wrong reasons

With savior tendencies, you don’t just help out when you have the time and resources. Instead, you bend over backward because “it’s the right thing to do,” Joseph explains.

You try to save other people because you feel you must, regardless of your own needs. You might also believe your needs matter less.

Some people might focus on helping others when:

• they feel unable to manage their own struggles
• they have unresolved trauma or difficulties in their own pasts

How does it affect you?

Attempting to rescue someone from their problems often doesn’t have the desired result. Even if someone does change as a result of your efforts, these effects may not last long, unless they really wanted to change for themselves.

Savior tendencies can also have a negative impact on you, especially if you can’t curb them.

Burnout

Using all your time and energy on helping others leaves you with little energy for yourself.

“Saviors might see symptoms similar to those in people taking care of ailing family members,” Joseph explains. “They might feel fatigued, drained, depleted in various ways.”

Disrupted relationships

If you think of your romantic partner (or brother, or best friend, or anyone else) as a tough repair project with great potential, your relationship probably isn’t going to succeed.

Treating loved ones like broken things in need of repair can make them frustrated and resentful.

“People don’t like being made to feel as if we don’t like them as they are,” Joseph says. No one wants to feel incapable, and when you push someone aside to handle their issues, that’s often how you make them feel.

Plus, this can lead to other issues, such as codependence, down the line.

A sense of failure

With a savior mindset, you believe you canfix other people’s problems. Realistically, you can’t — no one has the power.

“This preconception leads you to keep chasing an experience that doesn’t exist but provides you with consistent opportunities for disappointment,” Joseph explains.

You end up facing failure after failure as you keep living out the same pattern. This can lead to chronic feelings of self-criticism, inadequacy, guilt, and frustration.

Unwanted mood symptoms

A sense of failure can lead to plenty of unpleasant emotional experiences, including:

• depression
• resentment or anger toward people who don’t want your help
• frustration with yourself and others
• a sense of losing control

Can you overcome it?

There’s a lot you can do to address savior tendencies. Just identifying this mindset is a good start.

Listen instead of act

By working on active listening skills, you can resist the urge to help.

You might think your loved one brought up the problem because they want your help. But they may have only wanted to tell someone about it, since talking through issues can help provide insight and clarity.

Avoid that urge to cut them off with solutions and advice and listen empathically instead.

Offer assistance in low-pressure ways

It’s best to avoid stepping in until someone asks for help. There’s nothing wrong with wanting loved ones to know you’re there for them.

Instead of taking control of the situation or pressuring them to accept your help, try putting the ball in their court with phrases like:

• “Let me know if you need help.”
• “I’m here if you need me.”

If they do ask, follow their guidance (or ask what you can do) instead of assuming you know what’s best.

Remember: You only control yourself

Everyone faces distress sometimes. That’s part of life. Other people’s problems are just that — their problems.

Of course, you can still help them. You also have to remember that no matter how close you are to someone, you aren’t responsible for their choices.

If you love someone, it’s natural to want to offer support. Truly supporting someone involves giving them space to learn and grow from their actions.

Someone might not have all the answers right away, and that’s OK. They’re still the best judge of what’s right for them.

Do some self-exploration

Whether they realize it or not, some people may try to help others because they don’t know how to address their own trauma or emotional pain.

You can overcome this by taking some time to identify the things that cause you distress and thinking about how they might feed harmful patterns (like helping others because it builds up your sense of self-worth).

Instead of using others to live out changes you want to make for yourself, consider how you can create change in your own life.

Talk to a therapist

Working with a therapist is never a bad idea when it comes to getting a better handle on what drives your behavior.

It can be especially helpful if:

• you want to uncover and work through painful events from the past
• savior tendencies affect your relationship
• you feel empty or worthless unless someone needs you

Even if you aren’t sure how to deal with savior tendencies on your own, a therapist can offer guidance and support.

What if someone’s trying to save me?

If all of this sounds like it applies to someone in your life, these tips can help you respond to their efforts without causing unneeded stress.

Point out why their behavior doesn’t help

Saviors might mean well, but that doesn’t mean you have to welcome their attempts to save you.

They may not take you at your word when you say, “No, thank you, I’ve got this under control.”

Instead, try:

• “I know you want to help because you care. I’d rather try to work through this on my own so I can learn from what happened.”
• “When you don’t give me the chance to deal with problems myself, I feel like you don’t respect me.”

Set a good example

People with savior tendencies often use helping behavior to cope with personal challenges.

You can demonstrate helpful ways to deal with distress by:

• taking productive steps to manage challenges
• practicing self-compassion for failures or mistakes
• actively listening and offering help when asked

“When we model a more realistic way of treating the self and others, when they see us being kind to ourselves and forgiving of our inability to fix others, they might learn from our example,” Joseph says.

Encourage them to get help

When a loved one’s savior tendencies affect your relationship, therapy can help.

You can’t make them see a therapist, but you can offer support and validation. People sometimes avoid going to therapy because they worry about how others will react, so your encouragement may mean a lot. If they’re willing, you can even talk to a counselor together.

The bottom line

If you have a persistent need to step in and save loved ones from their problems, or themselves, you may have savior tendencies.

You might think you’re helping, but trying to save people, especially when they don’t want saving, often backfires. Chances are, someone who really needs help will ask for it, so it’s wise to wait until you’re asked.

Savior Complex: Definition and Common Examples (healthline.com)

Бу борада Абдурауф Фитрат: “Ҳар бир миллатнинг саодати ва иззати шу халқнинг ички интизоми ва тотувлигига боғлиқ. Тинчлик ва тотувлик эса миллат оилаларининг интизомига таянади, мамлакат ва миллат ҳам шунча кучли бўлади. Агарда бир мамлакатнинг аҳолиси ахлоқсиз ва жоҳиллик билан оилавий муносабатларни заифлаштириб юборса ва интизомсизликка йўл қўйса шунда бу миллатнинг саодати ва ҳаёти шубҳа остида қолади” [1:8], деб таъкидлаган.

Оила борасидаги диний, илмий ва фалсафий ёндашувларни кузатсак, оила барқарорлигида эр-хотин муносабатлари асосий ўрин тутишини кўрамиз. Масалан, исломда никоҳ орқали инсон ва оилани улуғлашга, эркак ва аёлнинг ҳуқуқларига, уларнинг шаънига ва оилада тинчликни сақлашга катта эътибор қаратилган: “Аёллар (учун белгиланган ҳуқуқлар) ўз меъёрида эркаклар (ҳуқуқи) билан тенгдир” [2:36].

Бурҳонуддин Марғинонийнинг «Ҳидоя» асарида ёзилишича, оила ва никоҳ масаласида маърифий-тарбиявий аҳамиятга эга ҳукмлардан бири аёлнинг никоҳда қандай ҳақ-ҳуқуқлари борлиги ҳақидаги билимга эга бўлишидир: «Никоҳнинг асл моҳияти ҳақида илм бўлиши шарт. Чунки, қиз бола фақат илм бўлгандагина тасарруф эта олади. Бу дунё илм олиш дунёси, бунда жоҳиллик узр бўлолмайди» [3:675]. «Ҳидоя»да оила ва никоҳга оид ҳукмларнинг ижтимоий аҳамиятга эга томони эркак ва аёлнинг ижтимоий, иқтисодий, маънавий ва ақлий жиҳатдан бир-бирига тенг бўлишига эътибор қаратилганидир: «Никоҳда тенглик эътиборга олинади. Пайғамбаримиз (С.А.В.) айтганларки: «Огоҳ бўлингки, аёлларни фақат ўзларига тенг бўлган кишигагина берсинлар» [3:680].

Исломда эр-хотин ўртасидаги муносабатнинг давомийлигини таъминлаш учун ўзига хос қонун-қоидалар жорий қилинган. Бунда оилавий ҳаётнинг асосий ташкилотчилари ва аъзолари бўлмиш эр ва хотиннинг ҳар бирига ўзига хос бурч ва вазифалар юкланган, бир-бирига нисбатан ҳақ-ҳуқуқлари ҳам белгилаб берилган. Бу ҳақда Қуръоннинг бир қатор сураларида оятлар келтирилади: “Эркаклар хотинлар устидан (оила бошлиғи сифатида доимий) қоим турувчилардир. Сабаби – Аллоҳ уларнинг айримлари (эркаклар)ни айримлари (аёллар)дан (баъзи хусусиятларда) ортиқ қилгани ва (эркаклар ўз оиласига) ўз мол-мулкларидан сарф қилиб туришларидир” (Нисо сураси, 34-оят) [4:390]; “Ва яхшилик ила уларнинг бурчлари муқобилида ҳақлари ҳам бордир” (Бақара сураси, 228-оят) [3:398]. Агар эр ва хотин бу қоидаларга амал қилса, бир-бирига нисбатан зиммасидаги бурч ва масъулиятини ҳис қилиб сидқидилдан адо этса, бундай оила бахт ва саодат қасрига айланади. Бундай оилада туғилган фарзандлар ҳам гўзал тарбия топади ва улардан жамиятга фойдаси тегадиган инсонлар етишиб чиқади. Ислом дини ҳар бир эр ва хотин учун ўзига хос ҳуқуқларни ишлаб чиқиш билан бирга, уларга муайян мажбуриятларни ҳам юклаган. Буларнинг баъзилари эр ва хотин ўртасида муштарак бўлса, баъзилари эрга, баъзилари хотинга тегишлидир.

Хотиннинг эр зиммасидаги ҳаққи эрнинг ўзига ҳам, молига ҳам тегишлидир. Хотиннинг эри зиммасида маҳр ва нафақа сингари шахсий ва молиявий ҳақлари бор. Улар қуйидагилар:

1. Хотиннинг эр зиммасидаги ҳақларидан биринчиси эр томонидан унга яхши ва адолатли муомала қилинишидир. Зеро, Аллоҳ таоло Ўз Китобида: “Аёллар билан яхшилик ила турмуш кечиринг. Агар уларни ёқтирмасангиз, шоядки, Аллоҳ сиз ёқтирмаган нарсада кўплаб яхшиликларни пайдо қилса!”, дея амр этган (Нисо сураси, 19-оят) [3:402]. Бу амр эрнинг хотинга яхши муомалада бўлишини, табиатидаги айрим ноқисликларга сабр қилишини, баъзи хатоларига кўз юмишини тақозо этади. Шунингдек, аёлни тарбиялаш ва унга дунёю охиратда фойдаси тегадиган нарсаларни ўргатиб, таълим беришни ҳам назарда тутади. Набий соллаллоҳу алайҳи васалламнинг бир ҳадисларида: “Мўмин эр мўмина хотиндан нафратланмасин, агар унинг бир хулқини ёмон кўрса, бошқа хулқи туфайли ундан рози бўлиб кетаверади”, дейилади (Имом Муслим ривояти). Яъни, эр хотинининг айрим феълидан ғазабланса, оилани бузиб юборишга шошилмаслиги, шу туфайли хотинини ёмон кўриб қолмаслиги лозимлиги, балки унинг яхши одатларини ҳам кўз олдига келтириб, шу билан кўнглини тўқ қилиб юриши керак. Шунингдек, эр хотинига хушфеъл бўлиши, у билан яхши муомала қилиши, бирга фаровон ҳаёт кечириши, озор етказмаслиги керак. Бу билан эр Пайғамбаримиз соллаллоҳу алайҳи васалламнинг ҳадисларига амал қилган бўлади.
2. Аёлнинг эри зиммасидаги иккинчи ҳаққи маҳрдир. Бу – аёлни икром қилиш, унга яхшилик қилиш бобидан. Аллоҳ таоло Қуръони каримда эрларни аёлларнинг бу ҳаққига риоя қилишга чақириб: “Хотинларга маҳрларини мамнунлик билан берингиз” (Нисо сураси, 4-оят), деб амр этган.
3. Эр хотиннинг озорини кўтариши, у ғазабланганида ва жаҳли чиққанида мулойим бўлиши, унинг хатоларини кечириши керак. Бу Расулуллоҳ соллаллоҳу алайҳи васаллам суннатларига амал қилишдир. Имом Муслим Анас ибн Молик розияллоҳу анҳудан ривоят қилади: «Расулуллоҳ (С.А.В.)дан бошқа оиласига меҳрибонроқ бирор кишини кўрмадим».
4. Эркак аёлининг ор-номусини сақлаши керак. Оқибати бузуқ бўладиган ҳар қандай ҳолатга бепарво бўлмаслик лозим. Аммо ёмон ўй, ўта талабчанлик ва гумонда ҳаддан ошиш дуруст эмас. Расулуллоҳ соллаллоҳу алайҳи васаллам бундан қайтарганлар. Имом Муслим Жобир розияллоҳу анҳудан бундай ривоят қилади: «Расулуллоҳ (С.А.В.) эрни оиласини хиёнатда гумон қилиб, уйга кечқурун келишдан қайтарганлар».
5. Эр хотинининг озиқ-овқат ва кийим-бош каби эҳтиёжларини исроф этмай, етарли таъминлаши керак. Эр оиласига сарфлаган харжлари учун ажр ва савобга эришади. Имом Бухорий ва Муслимнинг “Саҳиҳ”ларида бундай келтирилган: “Саъд ибн Абу Ваққос розияллоҳу анҳунинг ривоят қилишича, Пайғамбаримиз (С.А.В.) дедилар: ” Аллоҳ таоло розилигини истаб қилган ҳар қандай харжинг учун ажр оласан. Ҳатто хотининг оғзига солган таоминг учун ҳам сенга ажр бор». Шунингдек, бу масалада, яъни нафақа масаласида эр ўзининг иқтисодий аҳволидан келиб чиқиб иш кўради. Аллоҳ таоло Қуръони каримда бундай марҳамат қилади: “Бой-бадавлат киши ўз бойлигидан (яъни, ўз бойлигига ярашадиган тарзда) нафақа берсин. Кимнинг ризқи танг қилинган (камбағал) бўлса, у ҳолда Аллоҳ ўзига ато этган нарсадан (ўз ҳолига яраша) нафақа берсин. Аллоҳ ҳеч бир жонга Ўзи унга ато этган нарсадан бошқа нарсани юкламас. Аллоҳ танглик – камбағалликдан сўнг енгиллик – бойликни ҳам пайдо қилур” (Талоқ сураси: 7-оят) [2:559].
6. Эр хотинининг иффатини сақлаши лозим. Хотинини ҳаромдан ҳимоя қилиш эрга вожибдир.
7. Эр хотинини яхши кўрса, жуда ҳурматлаши лозим, ёмон кўрса, зулм қилмаслиги керак. Истаса, чидаб яшасин ё яхшиликча ажрашсин. Аёлни фақат мардлар қадрлайди, пастлар хўрлайди.

Эрнинг ҳам ўз хотини олдига и шаръий ҳақ-ҳуқуқлари белгиланган. Зеро, оиланинг давомийлиги эр-хотиннинг бир-биридан розилиги ва ҳақларини адо этишига боғлиқ. Эрнинг хотин зиммасидаги энг муҳим ҳақлари қуйидагилар:

1. Хотиннинг эр олдидаги энг биринчи бурчи ёхуд эрнинг ўз аёлидаги энг биринчи ҳаққи – бу аёл кишининг эрига ҳурматли ва итоаткор бўлишидир. Аёл Аллоҳга маъсият ҳисобланмайдиган барча ишда эрига итоат қилиши лозим. Аёл киши оилада ўжар-қайсар бўлса, ундай оиланинг давомийлиги ва мустаҳкамлиги ҳақида гап ҳам бўлиши мумкин эмас. Аёлнинг эрига ҳурматли бўлиши нақадар буюк фазилат ва бахт экани ҳақида Набий соллаллоҳу алайҳи васаллам бундай марҳамат қиладилар: “Аёл беш вақт намозини ўқиса, (йилда) бир ой (фарз) рўзасини тутса, ўз фаржини ҳаромдан сақласа ва эрига итоат қилса, унга “жаннатнинг истаган эшигидан кир!”, дейилади” (Табароний ривояти).
2. Эрнинг аёл устидаги бу ҳаққи, яъни аёл киши мубоҳ ишларда эрига итоат қилиши доирасига аёл киши эрининг рухсатисиз нафл рўза тутмаслиги, унинг рухсатисиз нафл ҳаж қилмаслиги, унга айтмасдан уйдан чиқмаслиги, унинг розилигисиз уйдаги нарсалардан бировларга садақа ва эҳсон қилмаслиги ҳам киради. Шариатда эрга итоат қилиш аёл кишига вожиб бўлишининг ҳикматларидан бири шуки, эрнинг ўз аёлидаги ҳақлари ва фазли оиланинг бошқа аъзоларига нисбатан буюкдир. Эр туфайли аёл оиланинг ҳурматли бекасига айланади, ёмон кўзлардан ва ёмонлардан муҳофаза қилинади, ҳимояланади.
3. Аёл киши асосий вақтини фарзанд тарбияси билан ўтказиши лозим. Набий соллаллоҳу алайҳи васаллам: “Барчангиз раҳбардирсиз ва барчангиз қўл остингиздагилардан сўралурсиз. Амир раҳбардир. Эр киши ўз оиласига раҳбардир, аёл киши эрининг уйида ва унинг фарзандларига раҳбардир”, дейдилар [4:358].
4. Хотин эрининг ҳаққини ҳурмат қилиши керак. Чунки зиммасидаги эрининг ҳаққи каттадир. Абу Ҳурайра розияллоҳу анҳудан ривоят қилинган ҳадиси шарифда Расулуллоҳ соллаллоҳу алайҳи васаллам бундай марҳамат қилганлар: “Аёл киши учун эри борида унинг изнисиз уйига бегона эркакни киритиши ҳалол бўлмайди” (Имом Бухорий, Муслим ривоят қилган).
5. Хотин киши Аллоҳ таоло берган насибага рози бўлиши, эрига инжиқлик қилмаслиги керак. Хотин киши ночорлиги учун ғазабланмаслиги ва оҳ-воҳ урмаслиги лозим. Балки хушнудлик ва қаноат либосини кийиб, эрининг ризқ топишдаги машаққатларини қадрлаши, ҳаром касбга ўтишидан қўрқиб, ундан ҳожатдан ортиғини талаб қилмаслиги лозим. Аксинча, эрини ҳам қаноатга ундаб, ҳаром йўллардан огоҳлантириши зарур. Момоларимиз эрларини кузатаётиб бундай дерди: «Ҳаром касбдан сақланинг! Биз очлик ва қийинчиликка чидаймиз, аммо дўзах оловига чидай олмаймиз».

Аёл киши эрининг туйғуларини ҳурмат қилиши, у ёқтирмайдиган ёки унга озор берадиган ишлардан йироқ бўлиши ва эрининг молиявий шароитини ҳисобга олиши, эрининг уйдан ташқаридаги масъулиятини қадрлаб, уйга кеч келишидан безовта бўлмаслиги ёки бу борада эрига босим ўтказмаслиги лозим. Шунингдек, эри тоқат қилолмайдиган даражада пул талаб қилмаслиги керак. Баъзи аёллар нуқул бошқа оилаларда эрнинг хотинига сарфлаган нарсаларини мисол қилиб, эридан худди шундай таъминот талаб қилади. Аёл киши эрини қадрласа, унга миннатдорлик туйғуларини ўзининг муомаласи ва хатти-ҳаракатлари билан изҳор қилса, Аллоҳ ундай аёлдан рози бўлади.

1. Хотин эрининг дўстига нотанишдек бўлиши лозим. Эри уйида бўлмаганида, унинг дўсти эшик қоқса, у билан сўзлашмасин. Акс ҳолда, бу рашк ва жанжалга сабаб бўлиши мумкин.
2. Хотин гўзаллиги билан эрига фахрланмаслиги, эри хунук бўлса, ёмон кўрмаслиги, агар бой бўлса, моли билан ғурурланмаслиги керак. Эрнинг қариндошларини ҳурмат қилиши ва қадрлаши лозим.
3. Хотин фарзандларини ҳам ҳурмат қилиши, уларни уришиб, лаънатлашдан тийилиши лозим. Бу фарзанд тарбияси ва руҳиятига салбий таъсир кўрсатади.

Эр – оила раҳбари. Аёл эрига ҳурмат ва итоатда бўлса, фарзандлар ҳам отага итоат қиладиган бўлади. Натижада оилада аҳиллик, муҳаббат ҳукм суради ва у мустаҳкам бўлади. Аёлнинг эрига итоатсизлиги эса оиланинг бузилиши ва бошқа кўплаб нохушликларга сабаб бўлади. Аммо бу аёл киши хоҳласа ҳам, хоҳламаса ҳам оилада яшашга мажбур, унинг ажрашишга ҳаққи йўқ, дегани эмас. Исломда аёл киши ҳам ажрашиш ҳуқуқига эга. У буни «хулуъ» йўли билан бажаради. «Хулуъ» «кийим ечиш» маъносини билдиради. Шариатда эса, хотин кишининг арз қилиш орқали эри билан ажрашишига «хулуъ» дейилади, яъни аёл ажрашмоқчи бўлса, қозихонага ариза бериб ажрашиш ҳуқуқига эга бўлади [5].

2020 йил 6 август куни Ўзбекистон Халқаро ислом академиясида “Мусулмон жамиятларида оилавий муносабатлардаги муаммолар: Сабаб ва ечимлар” [6:121] мавзусида халқаро мутахассислар ва юртимиздаги исломшунос олимлар, имом-хатиблар, диний билим юртлари мудирлари ва талабалар иштирокида видео-семинар ўтказилди. Унда ислом илмлари бўйича етук олим, Татаристон Республикасидаги Булғор ислом академияси (Россия Федерацияси) профессори Шайх Абдураззоқ Саъдий иштирок этди ва ажрашишларнинг ечими сифатида қуйидаги тавсияларни санаб ўтди:

– оила қуришдан аввал куёв ё келиннинг мол-давлати, шон-шуҳратига эмас, тарбияси ва ахлоқига, маънавий гўзаллигига эътибор қаратиш лозим;

– ўзаро келишмовчиликлар келиб чиққанда, дарров ажрашмасдан, ўртани ислоҳ қилиш ва яраштириш учун икки томондан вакиллар чақириш;

– иқтисодий камчиликлар бўлганда, борига қаноат қилиш ва сабрли бўлиш;

– диний идора оиланинг муқаддаслиги, фарзанд тарбияси, талоқнинг оқибатлари каби мавзуларда жума тезисларини ишлаб чиқиши ва мусулмон оммасига етказиши;

– оилаларда вужудга келаётган ноҳақлик, зулм ва ажрашишларнинг олдини олиш мақсадида диний идора тизимида фиқҳий илмга эга 2-3 кишидан иборат етук мутахассислар ҳайъатини тузиш ва муаммоларга ўз вақтида ечим топиш.

ФОЙДАЛАНИЛГАН АДАБИЁТЛАР:

1. Абдурауф Фитрат. Оила ёки оила бошқариш тартиблари. –Т.: Маънавият, 2000.
2. Қуръони Карим маъноларининг таржима ва тафсири. –Т.: Тошкент ислом университети, 2004.
3. Бурхонуддин Марғиноний. Ҳидоя, I-жилд, Никоҳ китоби: –Т.: Адолат, 2002.
4. Ислом одоблари энциклопедияси. –Т.: Hilol-Nashr, 2019.
5. https://hidoyat.uz/49437
6. Ойбек Неъматуллоҳ, Илҳомжон Мурод Али. “Исломда оила” муаммо ва ечимлар. –Т.: Имом Бухорий халқаро маркази нашриёти, 2019.

hamman narsaning kaliti HARAKAT mayli kichkina bo`lisin faqat harakatgina muvaffaqiyatga yetaklaydi.

birorta kompaniya ochganda u Yopilsa=normal lekin gullab ketsa=nenormal chunki shu nenormalligi uchun ham u muvaffaqiyatga erishdi.
kichkina qadamlar katta muvaffaqiyatlar kalitidir. to`xtaman harakat qil fail bo`l ya`na harakatni o`zgartir fail bo`l ya`na boshqacha yo`l tut. Shu yo`llar davomida sen tajriba orttirasin va oxiri muvaffaqiyatni seni oldinga kelishga majburlaysan. hozir tajriba orttirish va harakatdan qo`rqmaslik noyobdir.

bugungi planni 98% foiz bajardim. bu natijaga erishishim uchun Kun rejasini kecha kechqurun tuzgandim va ertalab bomdodni o`qishdan boshlab qat`iy reja bo`yicha ishladim kunim xayrli va barokatli bo`ldi.

rejadagi ishlardan tashqari ya`na bir necha ishlarni qilishga ulgurdim.

mirjalolga xolis maslahatlarimni berdim. va o`zimdagi muammolarni ham ko`rdim.

insayt 1: marketing kursini 500 mingga sotib olib 1 oy o`tmasdan ilmimni 500 minga sotganman. Xulosa ilim ishlatish uchun to`plash uchun emas. yoki undan yangi ilim yaratish uchun.
2: harakatda bo`lish va tanishlar orttirish havoi narsalarga berilmaslik, nima uchun qilyapman degan savolni qayta qayta berish zarur bunda fikrimiz tiniq haromdan uzoq va Allahga yaqinroq bo`laman.

Haromdan uzoq va reja bo`yicha harakatlanganimda judayam xursand va kayfiyatim ko`tarinki edi. bu o`z o`zidan unumdorligimga ham ta`sir etdi.

Kunlar behuda o`tmoqda, to`g`ri hozir diplom ishi yozganim uchun foydali bo`lyapti har xolda 1.250 mln cho`ntagimda qoladi.

Rus tili nemis ispan fransuz yapon arab tillari? shulardan rus o`zi rus tilidan tashqari +2ta sini o`rganishim kerak. balki 3 ta

eng qoraqalpoq rus +3 qilaman.

diplom ishi yozaverganimdan ko`zlarim anchaa charchayapti lekin bunaqa ishlarga halii endi kirib kelyapman qizig`i va ko`pi hali oldinda(*_*)

prosto delay, delay prosto MUST READ.

qiyin qiyin degan narsalarimizni o`zimizni majburlab yarmigacha qilsa osonlashib qoladi)

PROSTO DALSHE QILISH KERAK QILOLMAymaN

I will do it until MONDAY 3 days left. /code ASdMISSION

/Just method to achieve something

Внимание=(энергия+время)*любовь

1 на чём фокусировать 2 от чего отказаться

/energiyani to`gri yonaltirish bu etibor va prioertlarga bog`liq

/State of mind

2 xil miyani holati bor

saqlovchi miya
va izlovchi miya(muamoni javobi)
1chisi bu o`ylab yurish bo`lsa 2 chisi prosto yozib yozgan muammolarga miyani fikrlatib javobini qidirish

// unfinished PLAN

books to read ===289 + 849 + 449 + 97 + 294 + 188 + 977 + 160 + 271 + 655 + 629 + 214 + 552 + 272=5896

5896/33=178,179 bet kuniga

Мой совет когда у тебя такое случаются просто измени стратегию а не цель. Измени свою среду.

Может вокруг тебя друзья нитики, когда ты берешь новый кровь с новый среды ты взрослее станешь, более стрессоустойчиво будешь.

сегодня почти пол часа или ровно час разговорываль с Хожой (Те парень с канцелярии) говорил о своих успехах. он был впчетлён. меня это обрадовала на каком то уровни. иногда ты недооценываещ свои успехи для других твои achievemnts очень ценны. Я чувствовал это от его глаз его глаз горело как будто это он мечтал об этих.

*Вывод НЕДООЦЕНЫВАЙ СЕБЯ ТЫ СМОЖЕШЬ БОЛЬШЕ ЧЕМ ТЫ ДУМАЕШ.

ещё я читал о советы старых.

как суть быль НЕ ОКРУЖАЙ СЕБЯ С НИТИКАМИ ГЛУПЫМИ И БАЛАБОЛАМИ. Их маленькие влияния на твои мышления стоит дорого на твоей будешый состояние.

*conclusion ||||clean your surrounding from negative peoples, lazies, or kinda people who takes you down

Вчера был #Лайлатул кадр вечер, весь ночь я не спал молился за прошения свои грехи, и спрашивал чтоб был богатым умным, быт достойным стоят впереди своего уммата.

О отношениях с друзьями я слегка уходил от них это полезно всем, ну этого понимают они через лет, хоть я буду уверен сделал правильно.

опенеду.ру юрайт.ру эти сайты дают новейшие книги и курсы бесплатно.

Вчера ночи я одного вещь чувствовал что Я НЕ ХОЧУ БЫТЬ МИЛЛИОНЕРОМ В ГРОБЕ.