38 The Ashram
[Shantivanam, Tannirpalli, Trichy District, Tamil Nadu] I had risen early to travel to this place and as I walked up the sandy path with the coconut plantation on either side, all the sights and sounds and smells were familiar, for this had been home for a while. In the chapel there was a hush and a quiet expectancy, broken on occasion by a half-stifled cough. It all took me back to another time, another life.
I could hear him talking in the distance, and though I couldn’t make out the words, still the intonation of that voice had always meant more to me than simply the meaning the words conveyed. At one time I had heard that voice as I dwelt in the midst of confusion and I had undertaken a long, long journey in search of its author. It would be hard to say what that voice had meant to me at that time, but it had come as a challenge to go deeper, to see if there was a different way of being in the world, I could hear that this voice arose out of a certain inner silence, and so I had become silent too, and in that silence I saw that a lot of what I was accustomed to think was on the outside was actually on the inside. It was the first insight, the first veil of illusion had been drawn back. It was such a revelation to get even a little way beneath the surface, and such a joy, that I wanted to dig deeper, to find out more. It was the first step on the path of self-discovery.
Now I could hear him coming closer and it was a strange feeling being aware of it all, with the birds in the trees and the cool of the morning, and it seemed that all was as before. But when he entered he did so in a wheelchair pushed by another, and his face was ashen and drawn. When he spoke his voice was weak and it hardly carried, but still that presence was tangible and the words revealed the clarity of his thinking.
from the very beginning
it has now become clear
there was a force working
giving form to matter
the simple became complex
without losing simplicity
the part is of the whole
and the whole is in the part
consciousness also was there
it was waiting to appear
and in man it has finally
come to know of itself
but for quite some time now
we have sought to explain
the higher by the lower
all things brought back to earth
in the very near future
there will be a collapse
but out of that will come
a new way of living
for in the world of today
there is a change going on
and people are rediscovering
what we all once knew
all religions have taught it
in their different ways,
each one has revealed
an aspect of the truth
but now the inner the outer
both the male and female
the rational and intuitive
must be brought into harmony
to reach our full potential
we have to leave division
and enter into the unity
that underlies all reality
there nothing will be lost
we will have found ourselves
and be in total communion
with the incommunicable
everybody has this capacity
to reach beyond themselves
and in the age to come
we may rise to new life
let us now offer prayer
for the grace of the Spirit
to guide each one of us
to the fulfilment of life
I met him later in his kutir, his frail, half naked body lay in an angular way on the string cot. He had been partly paralysed by his last stroke, and when I asked after his health he demonstrated how difficult it had become to move his arm and leg. It was a blessing to be with him again for he was like a father to me, and one felt that he cared for his children, even though he had so many.
It is a great grace to be in the presence of a saint, somehow their very being is qualitatively different, and the atmosphere around them seems to be in peace and harmony. There is something about a saint that words cannot convey, you have to be there, and be in communion with such a one to understand this thing or you will never know it. Christ is present to the world in so many ways, but perhaps because it is so close to us and the possibility so evident that it is such an inspiration to be near to one who has managed to answer this call to holiness, and in the saint we see the full flowering of human nature.
It is not that we should be like him, copy or imitate him, which would simply be a denial of our own God-given possibilities, nor should we surrender ourselves to him which is just surrendering our responsibilities. Rather the saint shows us what the true calling of everyman is: to leave self behind so as to find our true nature. A saint does not impose himself on others, but has a humility that allows the other to be himself. We talked for only a short while and it was soon clear that he was exhausted, and one felt that he had only a short time for this world. When I left I walked slowly along the path through the garden on the way back to the chapel. I was so very sorry he would be leaving us. It felt like the end of an era.