42 Opening the Heart
There was a bank of cloud lying thick above the horizon, and below this the sun emerged as it made its way through the last minutes of the day, and at the end of its course the sun appeared to just hang there, and it glowed red and had rings around it like Saturn, and it was no longer giving out any noticeable heat. All around was golden and as the sun set the sky turned bronze then copper.
The land beneath was caught in a light mist which made the silhouette of the mountains in the distance appear light blue, while those nearer to hand were a deep blue-grey. There were more fires in the bush tonight and the smoke from them drifted lazily heavenward. Heavy clouds, lit up below and dark behind, headed west in pursuit of the dying day.
Suddenly there was a wind and it blew strongly, and in the pine forest came the unexpected sound as of the roar of an ocean, and it blew for a while, and then as quick as it had come it was gone.
Meditation is the gentle art of being present as reality unfolds, and I feel one must be present to all the things in life, to the joys and the blessings, and also to the ugliness and sorrow and pain. To be free of fear in regard to one’s emotional life, to not deny anything at all, but to allow it a place in one’s heart is to invite healing into one’s life. When we deny something then clearly we haven’t dealt with it, we have simply closed ourselves off from it, but it doesn’t go away.
To find space and room in one’s heart and life where these things can be, to offer no resistance to them, may be the hardest part of spiritual practice, because we are so conditioned by pleasure and pain. But the truth is if one lets them have their place, then they come into being, they have their life, and at the end of the day they come to an end – and then they are totally finished with, and one is free of them. Meditation is the freeing of consciousness from the conditioners, which means one must be aware and able to let go of the past, so as to be totally present to life and all it contains. Meditation is about having a heart that is open and large enough to receive the fullness of life. It is the past which constitutes the self, and when one is free of the past, which means being free of our psychological conditioning and the reactions it gives rise to, then one is free of self.
If one has learned to live without any form of denial, then one’s mind is no longer accumulating experiences that will guide action in the future, and therefore there is no continuance of pain or suffering. It is denial that gives continuity to these things, which creates unfinished business, and shadows that haunt one’s footsteps; denial is an incomplete action that propagates its own future. But meditation, which is awareness, finds the wholeness of life in the moment it is lived, and is therefore about freedom and that joy which is not the opposite of sorrow but which encompasses it.
The sun set with an extraordinary silence tonight, an orange ball descending between blue-grey mountains. Above the horizon the sky was completely clear and blue, and there was a great clarity to the whole scene. In to that silence came the sound of young children playing, but they seemed to emphasize rather than disrupt the quietness. From the top of a nearby tree came the sound of a bird and its song was as clear as the sky overhead.
Have you noticed that nature never repeats herself? It is culture and the things of the mind that replay over and over again. Nature is infinite in her ingenuity, and when fear and desire have come to an end there is a great stillness and space and then there can be observation without distortion. Every sunset here has its own charm and beauty, and to be present to them each night is to enter into the depths of silence.
today I was born once more
into a world that was
dark and unformed
in peace I sat
breathing, sensing, being
and the first voice I heard
was that of a bird
whose song of life
made my heart so light and happy
another voice also was there
addressed to those
who were born before
it asked
is it possible
to heal the wounds
of yesterday
to be whole again?
today I was born once more
and was astonished
when dark gave way to light
the rays of the sun
coming through the trees
brought warmth to the world
and my heart lifted up in praise
and as I walked this earth
I learned to look with care
at the nature of things around
at the loveliness of passing form
placing my trust
in the process of life and death
today I was born once more
and at noon I looked up
and saw the clouds
so delicate and soft
as they passed overhead
and I saw that
the blue of the sky beyond
was not scarred by their passing
and my heart was filled with joy
for I also
became like the heavens
with great space inside
there things arose
and had their time
and went on their way again
today I was born once more
and as evening came in
the sky took on another hue
of yellow and gold and red
the colours of fall
have their own beauty
and I saw that
we all partake of these things
and then in my heart
love was born
and I wanted to share it
with others
for I understood that
all creatures are from
the same source
so from silence my speech arose
and it also led back there
giving thanks for the gift of life
today I died once more
to all that had gone before
to sorrow and joy
to learning and growing
to being at one with another
and my heart was empty and clear
in the dark of night
as I faded from life
there the moon so bright shone forth
and I closed my eyes in peace
not knowing about tomorrow