What is love?

If you ask 100 people what love is, you hear 100 different opinions and often what love is not. But what is behind the word "love"? When do you love? And when not? 10 facts about love should reveal the secret.

1. Accepted love
   We know that in theory. But do we put it into practice? Isn't it rather that when we recognize unpleasant characteristics in other people, we prefer to try to change them? Loving your partner with every nook and cranny can then almost become a challenge. "I would love him more if ..." This thought has nothing to do with love.

True love begins where we stop wanting to change other people. Acceptance means recognizing what is and not messing around with what is supposed to be changed. This strength, to let our counterpart be as he or she is, shows real size and strength.

In addition, proximity and healthy distance arise through acceptance. Or do you like to approach people who are not accepted by you?

So if you want more closeness in your relationship again, think about which sides of your partner you accept and which not. And what can you possibly recognize a little more than you have done so far?

1. Love tries to understand
   When we become a couple, we usually have a history and have had different experiences with other people. Very few people know each other from their childhood and have been a couple since then. And even these couples have their experiences, in which both have experienced different things within the relationship, e.g. B. in the family of origin.

The years that shape us most are our first years. In childhood we learn to trust and how to live in relationships. We learn how to speak to each other, solve a problem together and we discover different rituals that strengthen cohesion.

Not everything we experience in our life is always beautiful. Some things created severe pain and left mental scars. Even in adulthood, wounds are always inflicted on us, for example after a separation or the death of a loved one.

If we assume that a person reacts differently to a person who has not suffered pain because of the injuries inflicted on them, it becomes clear that it is important in love to have mutual understanding. We do not always have to have experienced everything ourselves and do not have to approve of everything, but love tries a bit to understand. It is about the willingness to get to know the partner better.

3. Love needs distance
Yes, love needs distance - and a healthy one. In love, both partners are allowed to withdraw and be able to withdraw. It is even important. Sure, lovers cannot keep their fingers apart, but they are also in love! Love usually arises only after the phase of falling in love.

The withdrawal of one or both partners gives love the chance to bring something new into the relationship, which at best inspires and fertilizes both. We are - even as a couple - still independent and individual. Love also understands that we cannot and do not want to share everything with each other. If the partnership, even after years, is a symbiotic amalgamation, it has little to do with love, because we cannot share our otherness with one another at all times. That would mean either one or, at worst, both giving up totally for the other.

But love also needs self-love, not as a word, but in the form of actions. Healthy distance is evidence of self-love and thus also creates an incentive to get closer to each other again. Or how attractive do you find a person who totally gives up on himself?

4. Love is respectful and mindful
Nothing can be taken for granted: neither that the dishes are “suddenly done”, nor that the partner is there at all. There are couples where the partner mutates into a better lampshade in the common household and the partner naturally takes care of the house and children. That goes without saying …

If we are not respected and respected for what we do in a relationship, we become dissatisfied. We are looking for something a little more respectful, whether consciously or subconsciously. And quickly nothing stays the way it was.

Sometimes a simple "thank you" helps for what is.