How to Detach With Love

Although it's painful to see our loved ones be self-destructive, detaching allows us to enjoy our life despite another person's problems and behavior. Attachment and caring are normal. It's healthy to get attached to people we love and care about, but codependent attachment causes us pain and problems in relationships. We become overly attached-not because we love so much but because we need so much.

We need someone to be and act a certain way so that you can feel okay. Managing and controlling, reacting and worrying, and obsessing are counterproductive codependent patterns. We can become over-involved. The antidote is to detach and let go.

What is Detaching?

Detachment implies neutrality. Detaching is a way of separating the unhealthy emotional glue that keeps us fused in a codependent relationship.

What Detaching Isn't

It doesn't mean physical withdrawal. Nor is detaching emotional withdrawal, such as being aloof, disinterested, emotionally shut down, or ignoring someone.

Detaching doesn't mean neglecting family responsibilities or leaving someone. Although physical space or separation may be useful as a means of setting boundaries and centering ourselves, this is not what detaching means. For example, some people decide to not have contact with someone, because the relationship is too painful.

Physical proximity is irrelevant. In fact, some divorced couples are more emotionally attached and reactive to one another than most married couples. Someone living far away can push our buttons in a phone call so that we dwell on the conversation for days - or even if there wasn't one! Detaching is about refocusing and taking charge of ourselves.

With Regards
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