i do not want to work

that thought at first scared me. I had so much shame about the fact that i do not want to "work" or that for so many years i'd struggled to find my dream job. but then slowly but surely i started to accept that it is not just ok to have such thoughts it is totally ok to demand this from our society to become a norm.

it is totally ok to feel bad about any type of job in the world, it is ok to not want to work anywhere, it is normal if you have no idea of what you "dream job" looks like! is is ok to never find a dream job! it is totally fine if you do not even want to find a dream job!

here is why!

the idea of work as 'necessary labor' comes from the culture of slavery, the culture of violence and oppression. the culture that we need to call out and dismantle now!

the capitalism (I use this term very freely meaning the current state of our society) has wrapped this idea of necessary work into a shining little candy by saying: it is not a job, if you like doing it. if it is your dream it doesn't feel that bad. but here as anywhere else the capitalism again failed to make us free and happy.

it always shows us examples of ultrasuccessful people as some sort of algorithm of happines for all of us, when in fact those people who were able to change their class, are simply a glitch in this system. their stories simply cannot be viewed as a recepy for anything cause they literally broke all the current rules and norms of the system to get the hold of the resources. their success is not reasoned by the capitalism, they are successfull despite the current social constructs. the capitalism didn't provided them with plenty of opportunity, instead they were able to use the privileges they had the right way so they could rise up from the dungeouns of the society.

and of course no one ever talks about the millions and billions of those who tried and failed. but instead they continue to push this agenda of "working hard" or "working smart" for your dream as a perfect way to become happy. ignoring the fact that statistically for the most people on earth this will never work (play of words here).

why work for capitalists if they don't work for me?

probably all of us have this very simple need of finding something we like doing and getting some sort of approval or recognition from the society about it. it is one thing to have a hobby and totally different to know that some people also approve and like what you are doing. this helps us feel connected to each other in some special way. but it doesn't have to come in a form of necessary labor which also provides you with resources to survive. and actually once it becomes that it loses most of its charm for us.

there are many lies surrounding this topic. my experience with it started in my family. from the day that my mom has declared a shamefull quote that many people do not want to work and that it is very bad to be that way. she didn't quite explain any reasons. it was just her believe that if she wants to be a good person then she has to work a job. those who do not work are bad. it got to my soul, I believed in it. that is why i was driven by this believe for so long and it triggered a lot of shame around something that doesn't need it.

this way i got into another trap called educational system which actually for many people is a preparation for future work environments.

damn. it was brutal. the amount of lies fed to me at that time. the amount of senseless activivties i had to perform and go through. at that time i felt the most oppressed and it defintely contributed to my mental health problems. if i had a choice to not go there now. i wouldn't go. i cease to give it any value. yes, it was an experience that shaped me. but it didn't have to be that way, it could have a better effect.

but what is even more sad is that this experience didn't help me to learn how to provide resources for myself. the thing that helps me have the money in my pocket now i learned myself cause i was interested in it and then it appeared to be a valuable skill on the market.

and that skill was speaking english. yes, out of all skills i believe that this one is very much the one that can actually help you earn money.

also apart from that it was my outside experience of communicating with enterpreneurs and active people, that motivated me to better my communicational skills. i got better at this and in capitalism the communication is everything. funny enough nobody teaches it the needed way, you need to learn and experience it yourself.

then after i got out of the system. i discovered myself in the middle of the market. i started trying jobs. but very quickly most of them became unbearable for me.

so I was trying to find a job that would fit me better, but each time something was off. i was reading a lot of materials trying to figure out what do i like to do and how to turn it into a job.

and i actually got into some jobs where i was doing exactly what i liked and yet i still felt terrible for me. in one place it was about my manager. in another place i wasn't able to accept the companies values. in the third one i felt like i am not able to have freedom, growth and control that is needed. so no matter where i turned it wasn't working for me.

it was during those days when i felt really tired and useless that i discovered new things i like doing or was exploring the old ones, in those moments i met with the thought that i do not want to work.

it hit me even harder when i started partying, enjoing the clubs and communication with people. i began to consider this idea of not working more and more

at first there still was so much shame and concerns about the ways of how can one exist and live in this world without earning money for a living, or rather what are the ways to be free and still have money for all the needed resources.

due to my unique situation - i am an immigrant - i pay for almost everything. starting from the right to stay in the country where i am not a citizen and ending with the food. so basically no job for me means no money which means no life.

at this point i overcame this social shame and stigma about job through educating myself about the oppression, about the ways our society is dominated by rich men who steal resources from us pretending that they earned them fairly and that everyone has the same access to them as they do, completely ignoring the fact that they are privileged. but i am still very much concerned about the ways to have or earn the money for a decent living.

i learned more about the ubi (universal basic income) just recently and it blew my mind, cause previously i was gravitating more towards ideas of having some sort of donation account or something like that. maybe being a blogger, but then i realised that it would still take so much resources from me, eventually it will be a job. and that is not what i want.

but i also feel that we are so far from ubi at this point, so searching for new ways of jobless and yet happier and fuller ways of living is something i come back to from time to time.

by the way if you have any ideas about it feel free to share here or to this email olezha(at)gmail.com

i want to share a bit more on the shame around money and job. at first when i started reserching the topic i came across some very interesting and definetely thought provoking videos, but it still felt like something was missing in them. and what was missing is a complete deconstruction of the ideas lying behind 'job' concept and 'earning' concept. we live in a culture of violence where we are always told that we are not enough as we are. that recources and life must be earned somehow. that we need to better ourselves. even though the change and improvement is possible only from the place of acceptance not from the place of judgement. and the only way to accept ourselves is to agree that i am enough even the way i am right now. without any improvements or special conditions. with all my imperfections.

so if you ever find yourself amidst thinking that you do not want to work anymore, it is ok. it is totally normal to want exactly this and to not search for any underground reasons. this is absolutely ok if you just cease to do things that you do now want to do. get rid of this inner shame pressure. and start thinking about the ways how you can improve your life up to this standart. but also accept the fact that it is going to be hard not because you are somewhat of a wrong person, but because this system is built to oppress you not to liberate you.

it is also completely honest and normal from you side to stop predenting to your employer that you do your dream job, or that you excited about it. most of us work to earn a living, we cannot not to work. we do it cause we want to survive. and it is completely dellusional from the employer's side to think and search for people who are 'excited' or have 'sparkling eyes' when they work. or to prefer them over another kind of worrkers who just want to get the job done. it is so stupid from them to demand this from us, when the only real reason why most of us work is money and resources. most of the jobs are not exciting or interesting, and even those which considered so by the society in reality might feel boring for people, we are all different we like and enjoy different things and everything is possible.

i can totally believe that some people enjoy their work so much that they will be working there even if they have enough money and resources, but these are rare people. I am sure that most of us wouldn't be working where we are right now if we didn't have to do it, and had a chance to do other things. and it is really annoying when we get shamed for that. when we are shamed for just earning a living, when in fact this system puts us in such position, and not that much is dependend on us in this situation. and then shames us for wanting to just survive.

shame. money shame expecially - gotta go!

yes, i am here to tell you: you are enough, we are all enough to live on this planet without having to earn the living on it. you do not earn a life. life is a gift.