January 8, 2021

Gimme a Head With Hair

My old buddy, Steve, called today, sounding all sad. "My hair's spat," Steve said tragically. "So I called my PCP to check whether he could give me something to keep it in." Visit this link

"What did he suggest?" I inquired. To which Steve answered, "He said to simply utilize a container."

Poor Steve, as so numerous other follicly-tested men his age, he sees the last splitting of his hair as a sign that his life is everything except over. "It's all declining from here, man," Steve groaned. "You know how it functions. To start with, you lose your hair, at that point your teeth, at that point your bladder control! I should go out the present moment and purchase a container of Depends in light of the fact that I'll require them constantly!"

"Please, Steve," I said. "No doubt about it." (Mental note: Next opportunity Steve arrives to the house, keep him off the new lounge chair.)

At the point when Steve and I were more youthful, hair was insignificant. We grew up in the last part of the '70's, when men were people were scant and hair was something we as a whole had a lot of. This was a time affected by Keith Partridge and Tony Orlando and Grand Funk Railroad and The Bee Gees, who, between them, made a case for around 17% of the world's known hair. Steve and I shared 3%, and the excess 80% was given out to every other person, with its greater part going to the occupants of the isle of Samoa.

While Steve's hairstyle was propelled by the "Elvis Live From Hawaii" banner he had hanging in his room, I brandished the authority do of the day. My hair was separated entirely down the center with tiny exactness, layered back in wings, and hanging down to my shoulders. Styling such a head of hair was an exceptionally specialized activity, requiring a consistent hand, a sharp eye, a strong brush (I utilized one of those large honkers with a gripped clench hand on the handle), and sixteen jars of hairspray. I arrived at the midpoint of copying up one hair dryer at regular intervals and utilized so much hairspray that the ozone layer actually sends me scorn mail. Be that as it may, kid, did I look cool, or possibly I suspected as much at that point. I glance back at my 1978 graduation picture now and miracle, "What the heck was I thinking?" I appeared as though Marlo Thomas after a terrible peroxide wash.

I actually have a full head of hair, however I wear it short nowadays so I don't need to do a lot to it. Low upkeep hair, my significant other calls it. It isn't so much that I've become languid. It's that, when the effects of all that hairspray at last wore off, I understood that I just have such a lot of time on earth and burning through 1/4 of it with a blow dryer in one hand and a move brush in the other appeared to be a dreadful waste. However, despite the fact that I'm not losing my hair, I feel for Steve and different men who are. All things considered, they are my siblings and I sympathize with their torment. In reality, I'm staying here with my thumbs in my ears, squirming my fingers, standing out my tongue and singing, "Na-a-na-na-na!" I'm thoughtful to your predicament, my bare siblings, yet in a "preferred you over me" sort of way. Sorry.

I gave a valiant effort to cause Steve to feel good (I felt awful in the wake of calling him, "Wavy.") I clarified that his hair deserting his head was not much. That is only the manner in which hair works. A man's hair resembles a Michigan retired person. It goes through forty years working for you on your head, at that point, when it's old and tired, it packs up camp and heads south, setting up little hair retirement networks up and down the way. They sprout up in a man's ears, in his nose, in his eyebrows, everywhere on his back. Also, I would even prefer not to discuss those furry, little buggers that get comfortable what might be viewed as what could be compared to Miami Beach. There are only a few things best left undescribed.

My discussion with Steve made me can't help thinking about how I'll respond when my hair at long last chooses to go. I reached my companion and notable haircare master, Dr. Beechwood A. Jing, Professor Emiritis of the South Hampton Institute of Technology's Hammond-Eggar Anthropological Department, to inquire as to why men are so appended to their hair, particularly after it's not, at this point joined to them.

"Hair to a man resembles tail quills to a peacock," Dr. Jing carefully clarified. "A man's hair characterizes him as an individual and has a huge impact in building up his sexual personality. Subsequently, in a man's eyes, when his hair goes, so goes his masculinity. Like a culled peacock, he may encounter an emotional loss of self-esteem and self-assurance, particularly where the other gender is concerned. Such sensations of insufficiency can prompt profound sorrow, episodes of suspicion, times of against social conduct, a lifetime participation in the Hair Club For Men - a wide range of repulsive things!"

"Dr. Jing, how can a man deal with work through these sensations of deficiency?" I inquired.

"They should search out an authorized psychotherapist to help control them through recuperation," Dr. Jing finished up. "Or on the other hand they could simply take all their cash and get themselves another Porsche. Nothing redirects consideration from a prompt ball head like a costly, German games vehicle."

Incredible exhortation, Doc. I can hardly wait to tell Curly - I mean, Steve.