Sport Macrame Review of 2022
It's that time of the year when we try and leave the crap in the past and drag the good stuff over with us into the future. Even if it doesn't want to. Even if the good stuff is actually very happy in its place and has travel anxiety. Even if it pukes all over our back seat.
We shall celebrate the good stuff. In any way we can.
S T R U C T U R E
1. Movies
2. Music
3. TV
4. Me and my life
5. Sign off
Triangle of Sadness
Posh people on the boat, and it sinks · It’s a very atmospheric movie that manages to fit three separate stories into itself, and build storylines that feed into each other and enrich the whole picture. Technically it's also a commentary on the grotesque nature of wealth. Which I feel is becoming a tried genre that is harder to enjoy these days. But this seems like more of an ethos than just voyerism. Like, it spends less time fetishising and more time experimenting within a system. I will remember it for a long time. And I will never do a cruise.
Lawrence of Belgravia
A doc about Lawrence from Felt · There's something about this that really speaks to me. If it was five hours long, I would've watched all of it. First of all, I enjoy a failed rockstar story, maybe even more than a famous rockstar story. It's not a very healthy thing and possibly reflects my deep-rooted need to care for fragile narcissists. But I'd rather care for them at a distnce, you know. Anyway. I first became aware of Lawrence when I walked into his book collection sale. I realised he's from a band whose one song I liked for a long time. It was fascinating enough, and then I found there's a film about him. Hard to resist a real-life in-person film trailer. And the film is very good! You can watch it on BFI Player, or you can read this thing here if you're curious.
Aftersun
Paul Mescal plays a troubled dad · He's a great troubled dad. This movie is like a work of impressionism. It doesn't tell but show. And you know exactly how it feels to be in that story. Reminds me of all the bittersweet vacations I've got on with my parents in the 90s. The sea is exciting, the hotel is like a brand new world to explore, but certain things are just not for us. Certain kinds of fun we can't have. We don't do day trips, or snorkle, or order lobster, or go dancing. We don't need it. And there's a feeling of melancholy. like something bad is about to hit.
Juila
Tilda Swinton steals a kid · This is gotta to be one of my favourite Tilda Swinton films from now on. It's not really like what she's doing these days. It's not classy costumey slow-burner drama, there's no self-reflection of the film on the nature of itself. It's 2008, and she plays a raging alcoholic who is desperate. And you forget everything watching this! I swear, I forgot to pee or check my phone or anything. That doesn't happen to me very often. So yeah, I think you should try it.
Some more films I've seen, ordered roughly from good to meh:
Don't Worry Darling, Blue Bag Life, Three Thousand Years of Longing, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, Shape of Water, Memoria, Emma, Nightmare Alley, Bones And All, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Banshees of Inisherin
Kwenchy Kups by Dry Cleaning
HAHA by Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul
Cut your Hair by Walt Disco
Themes from the Servants Hall by Purple Witch of Culver
Joe Pera Talks with You
If you haven't, you must. This show owns 51% of my sanity, possibly.
Hacks
A senior lady comedian and a struggling up-and-coming comedian have to tolerate each other for mutual benefit. Pros: It's got just enough glamour and drama. And everyone's very good looking. Cons: you do forget what happened if you leave it for a couple days. But that doesn't matter. The point is, everyone's sexy, funny and with compelling showbiz problems. Just like me.
En Therapie
One season, 36 episodes. Each episode is a therapy session. There's a recurring cast of four patients, and every fifth episode, the therapist goes to see a therapist. Because he's mad and losing his shit. As does the therapist who treats him. Everybody in this show struggles in their own way. I'm a big fan of mental health, but I mostly prefer it to be good. I don't even know if I'd recommend it, though I enjoyed it. I guess I like it as an opportunity to judge. It's also set in Paris and is in French. I like French.
Better Call Saul
Years of suspense. Way too many seasons. A gazillion allusions to something in the intros, that, by the time they materialise in the plot, you forgot you've seen. But I do love a crook story, and despair dressed as expertise. And I kept wondering, why is she sticking with him? How is it gonna go wrong? This show is all about the why, not how. I know people are sensitive to spoilers and all, but I really don't think much can be spoiled here even if you do tell what happens.
And I hope Rhea Seehorn gets the recognition she deserves. But I also hope she doesn't end up in Avengers.
Taskmaster
There's the face you show to the world, the face you show to the loved ones, and the face you stuff with the ice cream. Sometimes Most times, I can't be bothered to follow critically acclaimed television. I just want to watch comedians do silly stuff. I would also mention Question Team, which is just as good as Taskmaster. And also Hypothetical, Unforgiveable, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, Bake Off, Drag Race UK, and I'm just gonna stop right here.
Some things that happened to me in 2022
My resolution for 2022 was to make some memories. I made plenty – be it motivated by the existential dread. The war had changed things a lot. Can’t do sarcasm in the same way. I can barely operate the keyboard when it comes to big political subjects. So here's some hard boiled facts that I am sure about.
1. I made a film and hid it from everybody
My film is a documentary, 35 minutes long, with four stories from my friends who were all affected by the war in some way. There’s also a couple of media collages that illustrate the shock and the grief. There’s no dead bodies or scenes of violence, but I did have to see a lot of those while gathering material. So it made me very sick. February to August. Every weekend and some holidays.
I finished it, and maybe it’s even good, but I can’t find it in me to watch it or release it. Somebody said, you’ve got to release your work as a way of letting go, even if you don’t like the outcome. Maybe someday.
2. Joined a therapy group
Our sessions are held on Mondays, 7-9:30pm, in a charity-run tiny room in Bethnal Green. There’s seven of us. It began last Jan. I felt I needed to get better at people. Meeting them, greeting them, treating them right – as well as not getting into bad situations with the wrong ones. And social skills can only be learned socially. There’s no thinking your way into it, not for me. In every session, we act out vignettes of something that’s happened to one of us, with an ultimate goal of understanding what works and what doesn't, and why. It's a bit like a cult, but a useful one. It’s also fun, like an amateur theatre company.
3. Panic-travelled to Paris and Stockholm + stopped reading news
I had very high anxiety throughout Spring. It was very bad. My therapist said I could come as much as I need for as cheap as I can afford. But there’s only so much a therapist can do. It felt like the world was literally ending, and the best way to move forward was to drop everything and flee to New Zealand or something, because nuclear annihilation was definitely happening within the next 30 minutes. But instead, I followed my plans and went to Paris to see Sparks, and weeks after improvised a trip to Stockholm, to visit one of my oldest friends. I remember forcing myself not to read the news, and the first moments of feeling safe again. I haven't read the news since May, and I feel no guilt about it. Fuck war obviously, but also fuck those who profit off us doomscrolling into panic attacks.
4. Went to meet family in Spain
Belonging is always important, but in the time of war, it’s a must. I have loose ties with my family. This year, I had to find a new way of relating to parents: show up emotionally, because I care about them, but stay away from the war propaganda that they’re into. I also have two half brothers (does not convert into one full brother) who live in Madrid. We haven't been in touch for ages. But I needed to sort of check on them and thankfully, all of us agreed that the war is mad and horrifying. In September, I went to visit them for a couple weeks.
I felt so welcome. They gave me a room to stay in, spent time with me, and we were overall like a family. It’s so rare and important. That was absolutely wonderful and worth it.
5. Changed jobs
Bad economy, bad luck and bad decisions resulted in redundancies at PRH UK. I was not made redundant, but some people in higher-up positions were, including my line manager. It demoralised the whole team and things weren't the same from then on. So I interviewed between 5 and 15 times and got a new job. I have evolved into my peak form: the senior product designer in an actual startup. With the squads and ceremonies and everything. It's a good startup. Not Penguin, but I don't mind it. I’m happy to be financially stable for once. Proudly sold out into good hands.
6. Made some new friends in London
There’s something about friendship in immigration. Especially in the times of war, especially when your country's gone bad bad bonkers. There's a new collective consciousness, going through intense soul searching. For me, it completely smashed the dream of becoming one of everybody; I won’t assimilate into Englishness. I’ll assimilate into the conflicted group of Russian aliens. And I’m ok with that.
I feel like I got a bit better at reaching out, sticking around, making plans and being a person. Segue to –
7. Entered my Hinge era
Stats are like this: out of 100 profiles, 30 may be of some interest to me. Of these, maybe 10 will text back. 3 will be a date. One will follow up in some way. 0.25 of that one person I will see more than once.
Dating is kind of like an emotional equivalent of crossfit. The skills that get me through any sphere of life fail when it comes to crossfit. The muscle only develops through struggle and repetition. And I’m not even sure if I need all that muscle.
But then, my expectations have dropped from ‘I’m gonna find love’ to ‘I may have a nice evening’. Or if not, it's all material. In any case, I'm finding it fun if not taken very seriously. I'm gonna do some more next year.
8. Passed Life in the UK test
I studied the hell out of that study book. Why oh why. People told me, and I didn’t believe: the actual test is much easier than the training app tests. I could’ve prepared in a couple weeks, but I’ve spent a good few months. I also learned that drawing little portraits really helps me memorise medieval kings. In case I ever need to do that again. Next up, the ILR application! On Valentine’s Day! At least something romantic's bound to happen.
9. Abandoned hopes to buy a flat
I used to think that my ultimate goal would be to put together a deposit and buy myself a flat – safe and forever. And it was mathematically possible, until recently. With the current interest rates, getting myself into a mortgage would mean having to stay in an office job for decades. So I’m not thinking about home ownership anymore. I’m thinking about going part-time. I just want a couple extra days off each week to mess with colours and with sounds, but still have my spending money. That's quite a bit less ambitions than used to be. But it's nice to fuck off yourself sometimes.
10. Got a bike!
That was a good decision. It allowed me to take my guitar to the rehearsal studio more often, as well as be on time for appointments on TFL strike days. It's also very enjoyable, because Hackney is flat and got lots of small streets. Also, my bike looks very cool. Its name is Renata "Igor" Wheelson. I love it.
11. Went to some events:
Sparks show in Paris, Edinburgh Fringe and Edinburgh Connect, Japanese Breakfast in O2 Kentish Town, Streetcar Named Desire at Almedia Theatre, Liz Kingsman's One Woman Show, Vanishing Twin at Village Underground, Dry Cleaning show in Southbank Centre, and Good Pop Bad Pop exhibition (of stuff from the book of the same name).
Sometimes you have very low expectations and end up getting something good. This year I expected the world to end, but ended up having a lovely time for it. Weird. I wouldn't even say it was a bad year for me personally? Apart from the three months of spiralling into madness.
Life is full of surprises and I am lucky to have a brain not very prone to depression.
So I'm ok. Hope you're ok too.
Yeah. That was the year 2many 2s 2 count. Everything has changed. But I'm feeling optimistic. Because if we can get through that and still have a new year celebration, then perhaps we're more resilient than I thought.
In 2023, I'd like to establish stronger roots and belong more. This year taught me that people are more important than ideas. I like people a lot more now, and being around them. So I guess I'm gonna find some new ways to be around people.
Which, speaking of, thanks for reading my stuff. You make it make sense.
(or at least an okay one, you know, don't force it. It may suck, and in that case please don't forget to treat yourself like your own favourite cat or dog – I heard this on some podcast, and it works very well as a life rule)