DEVLOG №2: Alhawa "Einsam"

The traitor, the murderer, the lynch mob, the bastard, the cursed, the scum and destroyer, the hated and feared, the criminal and the leprosy of the continent — today, let's talk about the protagonist, — Alhawa “Einsam”, the pain and despair of all nations; let's look at his history, personality, psychology, appearance and briefly go over his worldview and the philosophy he conveys.

THIS PUBLICATION DOES NOT CONTAIN ANY MATERIAL THAT CONTAINS SPOILERS OR ELEMENTS OF THE GAME'S HISTORY AND MAY BE OMITTED TO A GREATER OR LESSER EXTENT. THE AUTHOR OF THIS MATERIAL ALSO DECLARES THAT ALL STATEMENTS, IDEAS AND OPINIONS MENTIONED OR QUOTED IN THE MATERIAL ARE THOSE OF THEIR AUTHORS AND DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE POSITION OR VIEWS OF THE AUTHOR OF THE PUBLICATION. THE MATERIAL IS PROVIDED SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DISCUSSION, ANALYSIS AND NARRATION WITHIN A FICTIONAL CONTEXT, AND ITS CONTENT DOES NOT CONSTITUTE A CALL TO ACTION OR AN EXPRESSION OF THE AUTHOR'S PERSONAL BELIEFS.

Today we're going to look at one of the most complex characters possible, a character who is easy to understand, as well as easy to hate and despise, disgust, or admire and respect: today we'll talk about the protagonist. The format will be a bit different from the standard one and my author's insertions will be less frequent than usual, because today the main actor of the “theater” is the character himself, not the narrator, so, let's start with a general introduction.

Alhawa presents himself as a “flawed” character. He is neither a complete hero nor villain, he is not actually a complete main character in his own story. He is a broken toy on the wreckage of a story that is changing and coming to fruition before his “doomed” eyes.

At times, some observers in an event, unwittingly or even to say forcibly, become complicit in that event. They have no subtext inside them, no other thought or philosophy, they are just a “going” force that has been directed from the slope of existence towards the chaos and anarchy of an event. And even if they do not imply chaos or anarchy, they deliver it in one way or another to the “destination” and constitute a changing actual force.

The focus should be on beliefs rather than knowledge.
— Heinrich Himmler

Alhawa “Einsam” is not “the right man in the wrong place” for it is simpler than that: he is an ordinary man in no place, and that reflects his essence. He is a man of his era, spawned by the “wrong man in the wrong place” character, while not being such a character, but at the same time fulfilling those named tropes. Hence the idea that he is a character in a tragedy of the absurd, because he is a human being that combines so many masses of oppositions and different natures that it is as interesting as it is frightening and repulsive. Alhawa is a human representation of the “cocktail” of lower and higher forms of being and action, literally speaking — a superhuman in contrast.

But the contrast of being human is not enough to produce such a machine of destruction. Alhawa is not just a man in general, he is a man of an era. An era that began because of a man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time, who turned the world upside down and condemned others to suffer. This story is about how many events must happen to a potential genius in the worldly sense for him to atrophy to the state of “slightly alive will”. It is about how a human being turns into an animal, from an animal into a “vegetable”, from a vegetable into a machine, from a machine into nothingness and emptiness of existence.

Sometimes things are not what they seem. Not because their appearance is deceptive, but because their essence is distorted. We wouldn't understand an alcoholic, we wouldn't understand a suicidal person. We will not understand a dictator who burns out millions of people on an industrial scale. Their essence is incomprehensible, even though we are human beings like them.

History often judges not by deeds but by intentions. But what if the intentions are as terrible as the deeds?
— Friedrich Nietzsche

Sisyphus often becomes a symbol of the absurdity and tragedy of human existence. His actions are meaningless, his efforts never reach the goal, and his fate is an endless cycle of suffering.

Biography

Alhawa was born into a family of peasants who lived on a “near-industrial” farm*. They could be called well-to-do, but they did not reach wealth. The family lived at an acceptable level, middle-class by modern standards.

*— The very setting of the time in which the family lived is in a transitional stage from “medieval new age” to the age of the Industrial Revolution.

KÖNIGTIGLERUND CALENDAR: 07.02.1707. 
TWENTY-THREE YEARS BEFORE THE BEGINNING OF THE CATASTROPHE.

Alhawa was born not only into a wealthy peasant family, but also on the outskirts of the vast empire of Königtiglerund. His home was in the lands of the so-called “Eastern Protectorate”, home to a wide variety of cultures and peoples. Alhawa himself belonged to the Lurfus people. The family lived in one of the “industrial villages” near the mountain passes at the junction of the Saahelir and Jaendraktar continents.

The Empire, so vast that a decentralized system was used to govern its territories, was divided into two sub-states. Following the example of the Roman system of government, there were also regional capitals, but additionally “sub-capitals” were created — centers of regional power that strengthened control and influence over the areas.

*— The main continent on which the events unfold is called Jaendraktar. There is another large continent not far from it, but it will be discussed in other sources.

Initial Biography

Alhawa was not the only child in the family. A year after his birth, a twin brother and sister were born, and another year later a younger sister was born. Alhawa also had an older brother and an older sister. Because of this large number of children, the family decided to move closer to the capital of the state — the city of Derryukarr (from arg. “Big House”). However, this move proved too costly and unsuitable due to the vastly different environment.

Instead, the family moved to the capital district of the Eastern Protectorate, which also had an industrial complex similar to the one near their former home. The new location was characterized by good agro-climatic conditions, allowing the family to apply their skills with greater success. Here they could expect better pay and career prospects.

TWENTY YEARS BEFORE DISASTER STRUCK.

Moving for the family was difficult because of the complete change of lifestyle and environment. Although they did not move directly to the city itself and the urban environment, the “idea” of the city affected their family and their environment, which caused difficulties in adaptation. This was especially true for the children, for although the parents had the necessary skills and education to fit into the new society, the children themselves lacked basic knowledge, such as the non-Dwarhian language, as well as cultural distinctiveness for an Argorian identity.

Alhawa had the hardest time fitting in around the children; not because they were evil, but because they simply represented a different culture. It took time, strength, and support that the children didn't have. And in such cases, the support would come in handy for the parents themselves. Consequently, from an early age, Alhawa began to feel a “loss of control” and began to roam, walking in closed areas, becoming excessively free-spirited, sometimes on the verge of hooliganism. His best friends were his own family, particularly his youngest sister and other younger siblings.

Because of his new surroundings, Alhawa often wandered near industrial facilities, particularly the sub-elemental smelter. It was a special purpose “factory” designed to smelt and forge sub-elemental iron (a mixture of iron, coal, and chaos element). He became interested in manufacturing, mechanics, and science, especially in the context of combining technology and magic. But even more than that, he grew to love the warmth that came from this smelter, its bright light — the fire became a source of comfort to him.

When Alhawa was 8 years old, he committed his first “misdemeanor” that drew his parents' attention to his behavior. He accidentally set fire to a garbage booth near an urban environment where waste was stored and rats lived, which had previously attacked him as he wandered around the abandoned premises. After that, Alhawa did not become afraid of rats, but rather despised and hated them, seeing them as symbols of an unwanted and hostile world.

*— The term “sub-elemental” is often used to refer to a mixture or substance associated with elemental magic. For example, sub-elemental iron is a mixture of chaos elemental, iron, and other impurities (depending on the purpose).

In the end, as he burned the “rat” box that served as a place of comfort for those who had robbed him of his very comfort, Alhawa felt power, retribution, and most importantly, a sense of control. It was not a physical warmth, but something deeper and more sensual. He felt control as well as acceptance — for simultaneously with this act of burning, the bullies who had previously bullied him began to see him differently. Alhawa, because of his character, was isolated in his new surroundings. He was often the object of ridicule for his background and language differences, which sometimes made him feel unwanted. However, now those very bullies have said that his act was “bold, cool and massive”, that he is indeed a “hothead”. This recognition became an impetus for him to act — as a form of self-expression, self-awareness and influence on the world around him, as a kind of “rebellion” against the current reality.

“A child who hasn't been embraced by a village will burn it to the ground to feel the warmth.”

Afterwards, the parents decided to pay more attention to their family, while the older children, on the contrary, focused on work and supporting their relatives. In particular, after the incident, the neighborhood in which Alhawa lived recognized the problem. The parents themselves adapted quickly and even managed to gain a small amount of influence, resulting in them being offered part-time jobs as rat-catchers. Funny enough, it was here that Alhawa found his favorite animal. He learned from his older brother that his brother was considered the best rat catcher by profession, and that his “friends” were snakes that fed on rats and mice. With the support of his parents and their attention to their children, the psychological problems and stress gradually eased and Alhawa began to improve, undergoing a kind of 'implicit' therapy.

SIXTEEN YEARS BEFORE THE DISASTER BEGAN.

Around this age, Alhawa enrolled in the nearest educational institution, which is a mixture of modern schools and colleges. These institutions aim to provide vocational and theoretical training so that graduates can choose a profession or continue to develop their professional path. Despite his disorderly and “hot-tempered” nature, Alhawa studied excellently. He was not the fastest student, but he always took a “practical” approach to learning. He might learn the material slowly, but what he internalized, he really knew. In particular, Alhawa began to get into crafts and vocational electives, which contributed to his psychological dependence on “practically” creating his own mental warmth through positive emotions and a sense of acceptance in at least some area of life.

A similar “childhood story” happened to another, popular person who became the most cursed person in the history of our planet. There is no need to mention his name — you already know it.

As a consequence of all his previous experiences and moral dilemmas, Alhawa began to transform into a “dictator” personality type professionally. He began to accept competition as part of his life, and it was at this point that his adaptation, but also his personality destruction, began. He began to “die out” as a Dwarhian, but resurrected as an Argorian: the process of his cultural rebirth had begun.

When Alhawa entered high school, he was already distinguished by the highly developed professional skills he had acquired through participation in practical electives. However, along with his career came a “psychological” relapse. In high school, through his professional training, he learned that his beloved fire, which gave him control and warmth, could also be controlled in its highest form — in the form of magic and weapons. Specifically, fire could be used in military applications, such as cannons, as well as fire magic, which was revealed to him through electives and physical education classes with the practice of magic. His love for fire became even stronger, but at the same time his worries for his sister, who he began to see as the object of his protection and motivation, as she was the one who most often supported him through junior high and high school, also intensified. After all, as stated earlier, his family were his only friends. This was especially evident when he started high school (at the end of elementary school), when Alhawa began to actively participate in design competitions and various theoretical championships. He successfully won these competitions and, along with his sister, was not only an inventor but also an active speaker, which he was good at.

Alhawa won the “East Eaglerund” Capital Olympiad in science (elementalism, physics, and chemistry) and also won regionally in a ballistic device competition, developing a catapult that could launch itself using the element of air and the element of wood.

ELEVEN YEARS BEFORE DISASTER STRUCK.

During high school, Alhawa also began skipping classes, especially shortly before his “fiery” relapse. One reason was that the program seemed too easy (as he thought). The humanities had no clear grading criteria and were not interesting to him, and the natural sciences were too easy for his age. So he often skipped classes, giving “nature a chance to talk to him”. Sometimes, out of boredom and mild motivation, he kept a personal diary in which he wrote out his worldview. In one such situation, he again climbed into a warehouse with residual products from the smelter's production, where a reagent in reaction with his clothes caused a fire. The fire only engulfed part of his body as he had time to “put out” the other part. This burned him badly and left him alone in the hospital for several months. He was unable to move and suffered from hellish pain that had to be relieved with drugs (opioids), which led to his future addiction and revealed both the physical and mental pain of such a lasting trauma, reminiscent of childhood experiences.

But now, without family and isolation, he took up creative work to take his mind off what had damaged him and what was happening to him. After treatment, he managed, with difficulty, to close all the tests and quizzes, but he was no longer as active as he used to be. This caused concern for his older brother, who noticed that Alhawa was losing his “work ethic”. To get him back on track, his brother began taking him to special work events, including the smelter itself, where their father and now brother worked as a small contractor and helper. His sister helped with burn prevention. After a year, Alhawa, de jure, returned to the classroom when he and his classmates were promoted to the next grade.

Alhawa is similar in this respect to another “genius scientist” — Theodore “Unabomber” Kaczynski: an American mathematician, philosopher and terrorist known for his mail bomb campaign. Both stood out among other children at an early age because they were “child prodigies” and also followed similar paths in childhood.

At the age of six months, the boy's body was covered with urticaria, and he was admitted to the hospital, in an isolation cell where his parents were not allowed, as the doctors did not know the exact cause of his illness. For eight months he was treated several times in the hospital. In March of the following year, his mother made a diary entry:

“He came home healthy, but became unresponsive after this experience.”

As a child, Theodore was afraid of people and buildings and played around other children, but did not play with them: his mother was so concerned about his social problems that she attended a special class for autistic children with him.

He excelled academically, but found that math was too easy for him from second grade on. Sometimes he skipped school and wrote entries in his diary. During this period of his life, he became obsessed with math and spent a lot of time locked in his room solving differential equations. Upon completion of his high school education — Kaczynski excelled many times over his classmates and was capable of solving the most difficult problems.

— “The Unabomber: A Chronology (1978-1982)”

SEVEN YEARS BEFORE DISASTER STRUCK.

Alhawa completed his high school education early, successfully completing a state-funded vocational program through his career before competing in optional competitions at the capital regions. He secured a budgeted place at the Capital Imperial Academy (or University — the terms can be used interchangeably).

Intermediate biography

The move to the capital and the news of entering the academy caused mixed emotions in Alhawa and became the cause of the final "split" and stress for his personality. After all, in this case, he had to "leave" his family, at least for several long years, moving to a completely different corner of the world. This decision was difficult for the family itself, especially his parents and younger brother and sister.

After all, the parents wanted their son to continue their business in local production — Alhawa, and not "let" him go to distant, albeit promising, but risky places. On the one hand, this was an expression of selfishness, on the other — at the time of graduation, after completing his studies, Alhawa, together with his "comrades", set fire to the nearest barn with a hayloft and a couple of domestic animals, which led to a scandal and proceedings. He spent a short period of time in a state of obsession with the topic of the consequences "of fire", and also accepted this act as a "ritual of protection, purification and warmth", which allowed him to at least for a moment become part of the society with which he had always had an asocial relationship. Fire became his symbol — his hand of God.

Nevertheless, he was not punished. Although he was not considered completely uninvolved or innocent, the local authorities did not recognize him as an accomplice to the crime, unlike his "friends", who were forced to do social work. This also left a bitterness, because they began to think that Alhawa had betrayed them. But his parents, due to a similar incident in childhood, had already understood everything, especially considering his rare and frightening smile — the smile of his permanently languid son. This caused even more fears, because the "deeper" he went into himself as a person, the worse he became. He lost control not only over himself, but also over his actions and surroundings, contrary to what he thought when he burned and acted under the influence of his pyromania. Most importantly, away from his family, he lost control not only over himself, but also over his actions and surroundings, contrary to what he thought and felt when he burned and acted under the influence of his pyromania. And most importantly, away from his family, there will be no one to control him, he will be left to his own devices.

Alhawa did not like that his "instrument" of rebellion, control and justice was considered bad even by his family, something for which his beloved sister began to fear and distance herself from him. He felt betrayed and offended, starting to believe that if they were afraid of him, they should be afraid because he, unlike them, "has the right" and is able to change the reality around him, and not succumb to it. This forced him to silently, somewhat cowardly, leave his family, leaving everything on a sad note, forever tarnishing his "native place" with betrayal and resentment, as well as the spirit of "dictatorship" over his personality.

In this regard, a parallel with radicalism develops — for example, with "Magneto" (a character from the Marvel comics) and with A. Hitler. This is ironic, because these are two characters who are more or less contrasted:

Hitler, as a child and a teenager, had a difficult relationship with his father, who insisted on pursuing a traditional career in civil service. Adolf, however, rejected his family's expectations, pursuing art. Failures at the Academy of Arts, economic hardship, and a sense of isolation deepened his inner resentment, which later transformed into extreme ideological attitudes.

Magneto, having survived the horrors of the Holocaust, lost his family, and faced betrayal by those who were supposed to protect him, has strengthened his conviction that the world around him is full of injustice, and the only way to survive is to take power into his own hands. Magneto believes that he is right in his radicalism, as does the protagonist, with his concept of control through "fire." Both characters distance themselves from loved ones, believing that fear of them is a way to prove their superiority

This form of moving ″hurt″ Alhawa very much and repeated the previously subconscious ″childhood″ stress, forcing him to relive the trauma. By moving to an even more ″alien″ environment for him, Alhawa finally now found himself in the ″center of the empire″, now he is in the ″center of empires″ (Königtiglerund). Although the general stress did not imply ″work adaptation″ as in childhood, since he now has a scholarship and a place in a dormitory, due to his scientific work with the support of the military sector, one of the important parts of production and society not from a state, but even from a philosophical-religious point of view.

During the move, Alhawa was introduced to city life, new trends in food and households, and new addictions. He could now burn things in his fireplace and watch the fire, the things he loved most. This became a kind of therapy that helped him control the amount of burning (though not the number of burnings in the fireplace). Secondly, he discovered a special tranquilizer that had an effect similar to what he had been given as a child after a burn. Thus, he “resurrected” two addictions at once, against the background of which he began to experiment with his body. For scientific interest, he cut many parts of his body with a knife, leaving scars and cuts as a personification of his scientific and destructive interest.

In addition, Alhawa had to pass entrance exams, but not in order to enroll, but to determine the necessary starting level and find out which "group" he would end up in according to his areas. Here he began his already completely independent attempts at socialization, already without his sister, which were, nevertheless, partially successful. By this time, Alhawa had become an "enigma" man: few knew him, but those who did could not forget him under any circumstances.

Alhawa was especially liked not so much by his contemporaries-classmates, as by the teachers. He was a man of "direct efficiency", that is, he could not come to classes for a week, but submit the necessary work on time and of the best quality. Alhawa was a guarantor of quality and always produced the necessary result both in training and in practice. It was here that he met "Nlizstorrigat", a professor of "applied technomagic", and his friend "Guskartssiriend", a professor of biomagic. They became for him a mirror not only for "advanced" science and magic, but also for new worldviews. Thanks to these connections, Alhawa received a personal engineering station from the department of "trainees" (adherents of practical philosophy, for whom only what can be seen to some extent is real). Here, in the future, he will take exams and interim reports on grants and scholarships.

Meeting them allowed Alhawa to experience career growth and personal degradation at the same time. His name began to be whispered among the military district, and the "generalissimo" of the state army and Alhawa received additional subsidies for the development of "applied ballistic installations" (in our world we call them pistols). But along with money and knowledge in biomagic, the new talent became addicted to a special "drug-medicine" called "burnt peace". It is a mixture of the element of fire, tranquilizers and other substances, emphasizing "fire", "peace" and "pleasure" even more than before.

*— Königtiglerund has two armies: one state and one personal, imperial.

Alhawa was not a revolutionary in the field of weapons development, but he was clearly not an ordinary "scientific pawn". He was the kind of person who is sometimes lacking in scientific circles. He was not a genius, but he was obsessed with his goal — and this was enough to move the "ceilings of science". In particular, Alhawa was the very person who "independently" assembled a pistol, and over several years of study, he handed in as "coursework" step by step his homemade "Kinetic Subelemental Rifle", or officially — "applied ballistic device of complex purpose", which he called "Noonday Reality" in honor of noon — the moment of the culmination of the sun, located between sunrise and sunset. It was thanks to his academic career that he received the nickname "(N)laezskarrim", which emphasized his native surname "Einsam" (from the Lurfus language — "wandering"), and meant "effective" or "efficient". This reinforced his self-image and his inner ego.

The academy is meant to provide military training, not only for military purposes, but also for health. The military department in the academies aims not only at military training, but also at the medical rehabilitation of students. Here, Alhawa began to strengthen his physical health, develop his military strategic mind, and at the same time work on treating psychological addictions. He tried to get rid of drug addiction, although the motivation came more from the university than from himself. Here, he met a junior nurse, a girl named Nlorane, a commoner, with whom he interacted on a working level, without showing any personal interest in her. However, Alhawa knew everything he needed to know about her from his fellow students, who said that she attracted attention with her "military naivety" and desire to help. She became the one who cared for his health and supported him, sometimes singing under her breath that she herself would not mind undergoing full-fledged military training. However, she was not allowed to do this — not because she was a woman, but because war is a privilege, which made Alhawa "sober up" a little and realize his elitism.

After the military academy, Alhawa refined a pistol, a "local universal ballistic device for various purposes", which became popular among individuals and engineers. This pistol, like a "Swiss knife" among ballistic weapons, is capable of many different effects, not only mechanical, but also elemental (i.e. magical). For example, with the element of fire, he could easily light a fire or fireplace, with water, extinguish a fire or cleanse himself. This success brought him even more money. Alhawa could have left the pistol as a diploma thesis, given its success, but due to his perfectionism and addiction, he decided not to stop there.

Magic is a tool, like a bow or a sword. Would you cut off a child's hands to prevent him from getting angry and grabbing a sword?
— Anders

However, as always, Alhawa became a victim of circumstances beyond his control. It was similar to his move as a child, to the burns he suffered, to the move to the capital, and to the war that overshadowed his world. All of this happened right before his final exam, or as it is called in Argorian culture — tertskadir*. But he was unable to graduate not only because of the collapse of the central government and the unrest in the capital, but also because of panic. Although he had heard about war and could verbally "addict" to it, he had never seen war face to face. Alhawa did not know the "power of war" and its effect on a person until war entered his life, stepping on his doorstep. The "god of war" began to watch over his freedom and life, because while he worries about his surrounding reality, he no longer has freedom.

Peace is war; slavery is freedom; strength is ignorance.

*— tertskadir — the final (life) exam in the Argorian culture.

The first thing Alhawa did in such moments, despite his grievances and worries about the past, was to commit a “heroic” act. He not only warned his family about the impending catastrophe, but also decided to move them closer to their historical homeland, away from the “heart of empires”, away from the “heart of war”. While “the war was just mobilizing, and the cries of despair had not yet become reality”, Alhawa quickly returned to his hometown, which had not yet been engulfed by the news and the new reality of chaos and despair. And, to the surprise of the “hero” himself, his family did not reject him when they met again. On the contrary, they were happy about his return, began civilized conversations about the university, his successes, but, at the same time, began to doubt why their touchy son-scientist-fanatic had suddenly returned. This again reminded Alhawa with a little warmth why his family irritated him, and gave him a little time to “let go” of the stress, but not too much.

THREE YEARS BEFORE THE DISASTER.

Alhawa, having spent some time in a calm environment and having waited for the whole family to “gather”, warned them about the situation in the capital and explained why he was there and why he had committed this brief “adult” act. At the same time, the parents noticed traces of addiction not only in his behavior, but also by the traces of the drug leaving burns in the lung area.

And after a positive answer about addiction from their “returned fallen son”, they began to think that maybe he was simply expelled and in poverty and in the fever of drug withdrawal he invented some crazy story about disasters, about some wars and battles that were approaching their “world”, their village and their usual life. All these dialogues, like an argument, awakened memories of the last conflicts and Alhawa — temporarily, but nevertheless decided to rely on his older brother and his youngest sister, who with a little skepticism, but paid attention not only to his unexpected altruistic behavior, but also to his arrival and attention to the family in general, so he decided to spend a little time in his hometown, about a month, the "prodigal son" had the means even after such an abrupt trip for such luxuries.

Skepticism, but acceptance of some elements of the family manifested itself in a very simple manner. His "younger" sister, whom he loved the most, decided to give him a small pendant from the family collection — a very old, one might say, ancient family heirloom that was passed down from generation to generation. This pendant was rarely worn, and giving it to Alhawa was an act of trust, a request for "safety", for salvation and care — those things that he had once been deprived of and was afraid that the same would happen to his sister at the most terrible moment. This did not allow him to abandon his family again in a fit of hatred, because for his sister this pendant was the most important legacy.

But during this month, Alhawa's life changed dramatically: he did not run out of money, but of "sedatives". In addition, the war came to his family's doorstep. All government loyalists were taken away (including the military police), a short-term mobilization began, and most importantly, the beginning of a civil war was declared and a war against a neighboring state that had invaded their "personal affairs" — Mivoenlukdarr. Martial law was also declared, which caused even more worries for Alhawa, who immediately went to his family, unaware of these events.

As Alhawa made his way to the city, he witnessed the shelling of his village, which had already begun. When he arrived, the only thing he saw was fire and destruction where his village had been. But the worst thing was that the shelling had turned the industrial smelter that had once been the lifeblood of the village and the reason for his family's move into exile, into their undoing. It was at that moment that Alhawa realized how his basic element of pleasure, control, protection, and self-affirmation had robbed him of what made him who he was, what shaped him into who he was, and what, though he sometimes conflicted with it, he loved most. His family had burned to death. One shell, and his life had changed forever.

It was at this point that Alhawa "ceased to be" as such. His addictions and desires were mixed with pain and despair. Now Alhawa ceased to be a person. He lost not only control, but also the value for which he dreamed of control. He literally lost his entire value system, which he had developed throughout his life.

Psychosomatics and personality

Alhawa is not a mentally healthy person. He has been prone to destructive behavior since childhood and has a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia*, representing a complex psychiatric phenomenon. Traces of illnesses and injuries, as well as their impact on personality, can be observed since childhood, and his personality can be spoken of as a single whole, based on facts and phenomena from his history. Psychologically, Alhawa is a product of his environment and reaction to external influences, elements of which he does not control. However, two key phases of his life can be distinguished: the period before adulthood (let's call it the "main era") and the period after (let's call it the "destructive era" due to his deconstruction as an individual after the death of his family).

*— the scientific nature of the diagnosis is questioned, but let there be an attitude that this is a scientific fact.

Psychosomatics

Alhawa is an extremely complex figure with deep-rooted psychological and psychiatric problems caused by traumatic stress conditions, as well as a destructive polymorbid structure of disorders. It is based on the intertwining of biological, psychological and social factors, forming a general picture of a person with a disturbed system of assessments, empathy, impulsiveness and tendencies towards self-isolation, as well as pyromania. His personality demonstrates many manifestations of deep maladaptation based on the interaction of these factors.

In this context, we consider him as an already developed personality, and not intermediate stages of biography, as elements of the development of psychosomatics, but only the final result and its consequences.

Alhawa's basic attitude as a person, from a mental point of view, implies pathology in several "planes". One of them is pathogenesis, the other is more complex, "created" in unfavorable conditions of personality formation. He was brought up in conditions of extreme stress and constant internal struggle and conflict. His image is a mosaic of contradictions, where self-destruction, the desire for control and deep emotional isolation are key features. At the core of his behavior is the desire to compensate for the feeling of inner emptiness created by past traumas.

Psychosomatic impulsivity manifests itself immediately in the list of manifestations:

Alhawa, although capable of long-term plans and complex thought processes, nevertheless succumbs to the moment. In particular, to acts of "peace", security and care, which were absent in his childhood. Pyromania gives him a special sense of control, and drug addiction allows him to seek "quick happiness". All this is used as a short-term escape from reality, aggravating the dependence on the defense mechanism and at the same time destroying physical health, which is an additional pathogenesis in Alhawa's psychosomatics.

His pyromania is extremely complex and denotes fundamental problems of the personality as a mentally "healthy" subject. Fire for him is an instrument of power, an influence on the surrounding reality. But in parallel with this, in a more "comfortable" representation, fire for him symbolizes purity, warmth, security, a means of protection. In his eyes, fire replaces the function of a guardian, and the fire itself becomes a place where he can be himself, an instrument that will protect him in the worst moments of life.

If the Indians were to believe that the eyes were the mirror of the soul, Alhawa would have had fire oozing from his eyes at any opportunity.

But pyromania not only takes, but also gives. In this context, it becomes not only an outlet for suppressed aggression, but also a manifestation of an uncontrollable desire for destruction. For Alhawa, fire is a symbol of his control over the situation. Lighting a fire compensates for his feeling of helplessness, formed in childhood. Fire is a symbol of power over the surrounding world and himself, and pyromania becomes an act in which he creates chaos, turning the environment into something subordinate to his will. This is a kind of purification ritual, where he gives matter in exchange for a vision of comfort and warmth. The system of "rewards" in psychosomatics even includes episodes of arousal before or during arson, which disrupts sexual desires and the range of attachments in the subject. Such acts can contribute to the dehumanization of the personality and a deepening of the gap between the outside world and Alhawa's inner "I".

Fires for him are not just an external event, but a divine force with which he tries to cope with internal discomfort and trauma. Fire becomes a process, a reason for a purification ritual, but also a way to destroy. Burning something, be it objects or living beings, is a way for him to experience control, a sense of power that allows him to avoid the helplessness he experienced in childhood.

Final diagnosis: F63.1 according to ICD-10.

Destruction for Alhawa is a way to "re-create" a reality in which he is the dominant figure. This is also manifested in tendencies directed at himself. A physical traumatic experience that happened to him in childhood (a burn) immediately had an impact on psychosomatics, causing several active factors:

Low self-esteem, a feeling of "unworthiness", including happiness, as well as a call for physical rejection and the formation of a disorder of the dysmorphophobic spectrum.

The main "core" of this trauma is related to the idea of "divinity" and purity of fire as a natural force that determines his strength and comfort due to pyromania. It began to develop before this and disrupted his cognitive assessment of the perception of reality. For Alhawa, his metaphysical guardian traumatized him not only physically but also mentally, because the manifestation of fire at his will means that he is unclean and dirty.

This becomes one of the means of protecting his psyche, so as not to destroy his worldview, despite his own value. He is as unworthy a product of reality as his surroundings. Such thinking leads to the formation of an assessment of himself as "unworthy" in his unrealistic system of assessments. Due to his "inferiority" and the desire to regain control, Alhawa goes back to perfectionism as a solution to his problems. This includes unhealthy perfectionism as a pathology ("OCD") with rituals (burning small objects in the fireplace), as well as the use of substances that can "drown out" his thoughts. This gives him the opportunity to feel "full" again, a person deserving of happiness.

Physical injuries as signs of PTSD and anxiety disorders.

Burn scars and the like not only lead to physical rejection, but also to PTSD in parallel. Fire for Alhawa takes on a more divine effect in this context, which increases the severity of pyromania. Fire is able to destroy him as easily as it destroys "evil" in the protagonist's evaluation system. The physical and emotional effects of burns can cause a constant state of hyperarousal. He becomes a "maxima man", unable to fully experience median emotions, prone to rapid mood swings and underdeveloped signs of ADHD.

Final diagnosis: PTSD with features of dissociative disorder (F43.1), generalized anxiety disorder (F41.1).

Physical damage: pain.

The burns caused unreal pain, which caused a lot of psychological trauma, but also physical. Alhawa needed medication, which was provided in the form of opioids. They reduced the sources of pain, but clouded consciousness and destroyed the perception of reality, causing addiction both on the physical level (pain in the body) and on the moral (pain in the "soul"). Alhawa uses psychoactive substances to suppress memories of childhood trauma and pain from burns. Drugs affect the serotonin and dopamine systems of the brain, maintaining a cycle of addiction and self-destruction. This also indicates Alhawa's psychological inferiority as an individual and his inability to cope with real stressors. The drug becomes the primary compensatory mechanism, not protection.

Final diagnosis: drug addiction with comorbid depression (F19).

Alhawa has general inferiority complexes and psychosomatic symptoms. Personality formation took place in an unsafe environment, despite attachment to the family as an element of protection. However, he experiences a general mistrust of the world and a tendency to perceive people as a threat, which makes him withdrawn and develops perfectionism as an element of protection from the threat. This is a "distorted" version of evolution, where he must earn security through superiority and dominance, even if he strives for a closed zone.

"Si vis pacem, para bellum" — "if you want peace, prepare for war". Childhood has formed in him a complex of deep insecurity and a persistent need for compensation, manifested in the following ways:

Alexithymia (difficulty in identifying and expressing one's own feelings); not to be confused with psychopathy.
Avoidant attachment — inability to form trusting relationships, except for "master-servant", "teacher-student", "primary-secondary".

The "internal sabotage" effect is self-destructive behavior as a way to maintain control over one's own pain.

Arson in the context of childhood trauma symbolizes the destruction of the past and an attempt at self-creation through chaos.

For the patient, childhood trauma has become not just memories, but a source of constant emotional stress. He seeks to "erase" them through destructive behavior — drugs, arson, risky actions, conflict, and the like. One of the methods of defense is rationalization, up to the acceptance of logic as the only true measure of reality. This is an attempt to "deify" psychopathy, but even so, Alhawa does not have its signs, which again causes him to feel inferior. He interprets any actions that happened to him as logical and reasonable. Most often, the patient perceives himself as the cause of all his troubles, which is combined with an inadequate manifestation of self-concentration. Alhawa is not altruistic and, due to his childhood trauma, always considers himself a problem, even if it is just an ordinary routine.

As a result, if Alhawa feels anything other than negative emotions, it is often an emotional emptiness. He may feel an internal coldness, perceiving it as normal.

Another clearly expressed trauma is the "contempt" for rats and mice animals due to an attack on him as a child. In the culture in which Alhawa was raised, rats were perceived as dirty but collective animals, which also caused a crisis in attitudes towards these worldviews.

Final diagnosis: anxiety-phobic disorder (F40).

Personality

Alhawa, although a mentally and psychosomatically defective individual, is nevertheless a functional unit of society. Although he is "limping", he is still valid — this is achieved by the fact that his impulses and destructive elements of behavior do not become the main ones in his life, do not completely regulate his behavior. These impulses, although present, do not spread to a wider environment, such as his family or professors, and do not lead to destructive actions from the outside. Alhawa has no goal of causing pain or injury, since his empathy is not impaired. He feels, but is not always able to perceive and display this in an acceptable form.

Alhawa is an inert personality, without its own engine, but extremely sensitive to external influences and reactions, although not showing obvious signs of it. To some extent, Alhawa is a good-natured but closed person, his character can be described as "simple", but not in the sense of naive, but in his true natural simplicity. He is "very easy" in social terms; he has adopted the behavior of fire as part of his personality. He has often been called a "hot person with a delay": although he is calm, like a time bomb, he can sometimes unexpectedly "explode", overflowing with energy or euphoria, acting on impulse. In this sense, Alhawa has a unique "hot temper", which, like fireworks, is capable of eclipsing everything around for a short time.

His personality type falls on the spectrum: INTJ-A (low spectrum) and ESTP-T (dominant spectrum).

Alhawa, despite his complexes and illnesses, was charismatic, enthusiastic and very practical. He could be called a mixture of three "objects": a dreamer, a pragmatist and a politician. The last two aspects dominated his personality, while the first was the motive for the existence of the other two. Alhawa did not perceive the political side of his inventions, but rather their use. What was important to him was the very act of his inventions and the "scientific order" that he gave to his creations. Technology was important to him, not politics. He perceived himself as an engineer, not an ideologist. This allowed him to abstract himself from moral issues related to the use of his inventions.

In this regard, Alhawa is a combination of several personalities: Edward Teller and Wernher von Braun. His first "I" was similar to the personality of Wernher von Braun, an American rocket and space technology designer, one of the founders of modern rocketry, and creator of the first ballistic missiles.**

Von Braun did not shy away from collaborating with the Nazi regime, considering it an opportunity to advance his research. Later, he actively participated in the US space program, demonstrating adaptability and practicality in changing ideological frameworks. For von Braun, the main thing was technology, not politics. He perceived himself as an engineer, not an ideologist. This allowed him to abstract himself from moral issues related to the use of his inventions.

Alhawa was able to get along flawlessly with the people he needed, but due to complications in his psychosomatics, he was unable to realize his charismatic resource and social potential. As a result, his "second self" existed, which he used to solve his routine problems.

This "second self" of Alhawa was a closed, asocial and impetuous personality that gave orders to his scientific creations. If the second "Self" perceived science as a means of protection and intimidation, then the first "Self" dreamed of mastering technology and magic, even if it meant collaborating with regimes. In this regard, Alhawa is a complex spectrum personality, combining cold calculation, pragmatism and dreams of a simple existence surrounded by scientific achievements.

Alhawa's alter ego is more similar to Edward Teller, an American theoretical physicist of Jewish descent, widely known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb". He made significant contributions to nuclear and molecular physics.

Teller was a man of incredible intellect, pronounced tenacity and passion for scientific research. His character can be described as indomitable and controversial. He was not afraid to enter into conflicts and contradict even the most authoritative scientists, including such giants as Robert Oppenheimer. This tendency to conflict made him a controversial figure in the scientific community. Teller viewed science not only as a path to truth, but also as a means of ensuring national and strategic superiority. This was reflected in his belief in the need to develop thermonuclear weapons.

Teller is also credited with a certain emotional coldness. He easily tolerated criticism and did not show obvious signs of doubt in his work. However, this did not mean that he was insensitive: he had a strong commitment to his beliefs.

Alhawa has clear preferences, for example, in food. He has a sweet tooth, especially loves ice cream combined with weak coffee (he often puts ice cream in his coffee). His favorite ice cream flavor is banana. When he tried it for the first time, he considered it the most delicious dish in his life. Of the savory, Alhawa likes cabbage (white cabbage), fried potatoes, "hot" (fiery) barley (barley that has absorbed the element of fire). Of the meat, he prefers stewed lamb, does not like salads and soups. He does not tolerate carbonated water, preferring coffee, and rejects alcohol and cigarettes. His favorite colors are cornflower blue (#6495ed), carmine (#960018) and iron gray (#434B4D). The first two colors symbolize scientific perception, and iron gray is the color of reality, gray, unstable and "unproclaimed".

In particular, Alhawa likes to associate and "base" some elements of his personality on his totem animal — the desert snake (Crotalus atrox), whose hissing sound reminds him of the sound of a fiery stove. The poison of this snake symbolically works to purify the blood, to self-destruct cells, to "transform" them. The snake leads a nocturnal lifestyle and, most importantly, lives in his historical homeland, where his family, its traditions and his identity came from. The snake is a natural personification of Alhawa's beginning.

Alhawa spends his free time from "work activity" (even if it is small) in three ways: sleeping, doing sports drawing (he draws random ideas as quickly as possible until he can agree with the appearance of the image of the idea), and taking night walks, preferring them in winter. Alhawa likes the exciting cold, which "awakens" him from internal hibernation. However, Alhawa himself does not like the usual cold: he prefers warm, comfortable rooms in a cold climate for contrast. Alhawa's main hobby is tailoring, for him it is a method of concentration and control over his clothing style. He is the author of his own appearance, which allows him to simultaneously relax his impulses: both to burn "bad" exhibits and to radically experiment. Alhawa did not have idols, but he did have inspirations. In particular, he was extremely inspired by the simplicity and straightforwardness of some orcs. For him, this was a plus, not a minus, because Alhawa believed that the less worries, the less problems. Orcs, although they can look threatening, are in fact much kinder than they look, and most often understand what isolationism is due to their nature and impulses.

Worldview

Alhawa takes the roots of his philosophical worldview from the military notes of the former soldier Bigg'ierskurr, whose name at the time of Alhawa's life is already considered a curse due to the recent deeds of this man. However, within the framework of his personality, Alhawa pushes aside the "regime" and ideology of Bigg'ierskurr and is inspired by his philosophy of pain, which resonates with Alhawa, only without taking into account the fact that for Bigg'ierskurr pain was physical, and for Alhawa — mental. For him, there is no difference: pain is pain, and no matter how you perceive it, you will be in pain.

An important element of Alhawa's worldview is "purity" — individual purity, which he presents as the independence of one from another. He does not deny help and altruistic motives, but the main regulations of the personality in his evaluation system are general stability and independence from others. In his opinion, this is the only way to help others more effectively. From a religious point of view, Alhawa does not pay attention to deities and religious tendencies: he perceives them, but they do not play an important role in his life and system of evaluations/worldview, because, in his opinion, the gods do not care about him either.

Appearance

Alhawa's physical appearance, as well as his worldview and psychosomatics, are united into a single whole due to the obvious consistency and growth of the personality, including physical development. There are no cardinal changes in his appearance throughout his "main era", and after it, the appearance did not undergo radical changes, so it can only be spoken of as a general component of the appearance.

Alhawa's overall height is 1.79 meters (179 cm), which is average height. The head is of average size, with characteristic features of the body's biology, without any special differences. Hair color is jet (dark chestnut) #1c1112, the hair is curly, silky, but strong. Eyes are amber (#FFBF00), almond-shaped, deep-set, straight horizontally from the nose. The beard does not grow naturally, as well as general facial hair. Eyebrows and other body hair are coal-tar color. On half of the body (after a childhood injury) there are scars from a second-degree burn, covering the entire side from the hip, forearm and to part of the neck, including the side-back part up to the chin. On the opposite side of the body there is a tattoo in the form of a snake-dragon. The legs are elongated, strong, on the feet there is a pronounced flatfoot. The face is Caucasian-northern, the skin is pale, but in some places dark, with Arabic features of the face and structure. Sharp, straight nose, small nostrils.

Body type: ectomorphic.
Race: dwarhian (prototype — Arab).

Clothing and fashion

Alhawa prefers to wear clothes that he sews himself, but also often wears a custom-made uniform for the imperial academy, using a simple but practical combination: a red leather coat-cloak, based on a thick fabric T-shirt of brown-burgundy color (chestnut), with a small decoration of silver and cheap emerald. This style of clothing matches his inner state and eyes, and also includes a collar of slightly transparent material that protects the throat from the wind. He wears high leather boots with fasteners of a complex design. Sometimes Alhawa adds straps to this set, but prefers minimalism, believing that the fewer details, the more comfortable and faster.

For special occasions (dress uniform), Alhawa has a different suit, which generally retains a similar palette and texture, but looks more "festive". In particular, it is a black suit with a textile shirt, black patched jeans (without zippers, with buttons hidden under an additional layer of fabric). Additional elements are two rings, one of which is made of red glass (imitation ruby). The clothes are made of expensive materials, but the design remains simple: local craftsmen or Alhawa himself, without professional refinements, create it with good material and a well-thought-out idea.

The overall style is inspired by organic materials, especially paper and fabrics as flammable substances, including burgundy-brown, which symbolizes "burning wood" and "life that is leaving". Metallic elements and ligaments are reminiscent of "nails driven into a coffin".

The secondary attribute of the costume is a combination of a hood and a cloak, which is secured with chains and a belt, part of the face is hidden by a golden mask. Alhawa wears this costume in his free time or in moments when he wants to remain anonymous, to hide from the surrounding reality. The mask, with a bone white color and structure like his face, serves for isolation and avoidance of the social environment. In such a costume, he becomes almost invisible at night, creating a "white spot" effect for others, which satisfies his sense of style and ego.

As home clothes, Alhawa quickly wears out everything he wears, due to his professional career and addictions. Therefore, he does not have a specific home style: he wears those things that cover his skin well, especially his chest (to hide traces of drugs), and allow him to control his movements. The clothes should be closed, but light, the cheaper the better.

Weapons and Gadgets

Alhawa, through his professional career, general talents, various design work and life situations, has encountered and used a large number of weapons and gadgets.

Pistol (universal ballistic device for various purposes "UBDVP"):

The pistol, due to its polysemy, has multiple purposes and features. It is not a full-fledged weapon, but rather a "whole" of tools in one. With proper handling and a combination of skills, such a pistol is capable of implementing many tasks, both offensive and defensive. It can also be used in ordinary household or infrastructural processes.

The pistol can be safely used instead of a fire starter.

The standard model implies a body made of wood impregnated with creosote and sub-elemental iron (a mixture of the element of chaos, iron and aluminum); in rare variations, sub-elemental steel is used (similar to the previous one, but with the use of steel) with a black color. The rest depends on the aesthetic preferences of the pistol's bearer. Alhawa, as the "developer" of this tool, has the rarest and most expensive, but also valid version of the UBDVP. The pistol can theoretically be used as a standardized means of attack and / or defense, but it provides greater utility as an additional tool: the creation of gas-dust clouds, "water" projectiles, the ability to set fire to or "bury" an object with one click, as well as work not on gunpowder or fire projectiles, but on runic affricatives and the elemental effect of the pistol's bearer (projectiles may be needed for unique "actions").

"Noonday Reality" (Ballistic Kinetic Elemental Installation "BKEI"):

Noonday Reality is Alhawa's personal development, which he wanted to present as his graduation and qualification work, after which he could officially become a developer of weapons tools and a scientist in the field of military technomagic. One of the features of the BKEI is the combination of "physical" activity when using a rifle, elemental magic and a standard kinetic installation (gun). Its body is completely made of subelemental iron, which, in combination with the core of the projectile (bullet) and its accelerator, is capable of developing high speed at the exit of the barrel. Directing kinetic energy (such as from lunges) allows you to set the trajectory of the projectile, as the rifle has almost no recoil due to a special design based on a mixture of sub-elemental iron, which absorbs most of the momentum and energy, making the weapon resistant to overheating and physical damage. However, the rifle is not compatible with conventional projectiles, it requires a special launcher for charges ("explosive cartridge").

One of the rifle's features is its perfect compatibility with magical elements and technomagic. It allows you to use a third-party source of elemental energy, connect it and use it to penetrate elements of the same type through a combination of connected resources (elemental reactions).

The Noonday Reality is fundamentally different in its speed. It does not need clips in the classical sense, but uses clip "templates", designs that contain "presets" of charges and projectiles, which allows for quick reloading, changing attack weapons and combining them in minimal time, while the rifle retains its lightness, dynamic design and full synchronization with the user. In addition, in necessary situations, the BKEI is capable of sending projectiles along a paraboloid trajectory. This exceptional quality creates a unique trajectory of projectiles, despite the loss of speed, which makes it indispensable in certain conditions.

Minor:

Alhawa has in its arsenal not only weapons, but also general-purpose tools, such as clip "templates", which can theoretically be used to create weapons similar to the BKEI, when processed and adding the necessary materials. He also has a special storage for elemental energy (the "elemental pouch"), which combines various elements stored in "solid-liquid" states (a vessel made of glass and sub-elemental iron allows for inert actions if the energy has not reached critical mass). Alhawa's standard toolkit also includes a tool belt, where quick-action tools are stored, an elemental pouch, free slots, and template cartridges.

This toolkit is very situational and can vary depending on life scenarios.

Soul

Alhawa's soul is a standard combination of unit matter and the element of fire, which is related to its origin in the material projection, as well as the aspect of order due to the anti-singularity property of souls. The exclusive connection of his physical shell with the otherworldly projection is weak, which is due to the self-destructive nature of the physical shell and the extinction of the connecting link in the form of a body. Roughly speaking, Alhawa gradually begins to "rot alive", which leads to a severing of the connection of his soul with his body.

The soul contains the element of fire and the aspect of order.

However, due to the effect of the element of fire on his physical shell, the use of fire magic becomes more comfortable for Alhawa than for other creatures with a soul, even if they also have the element of fire.

Strength Parameters

Alhawa's physical body has good parameters compared to the norm. He has high endurance, strength indicators of both "explosive" and constant. His reaction speed is significantly higher than the average human. With proper training, Alhawa is able to distinguish the flickering in combustion lamps. However, the main difference between Alhawa and other fire mages is his physical speed and maneuverability. He is one of the students of a school that teaches the use of elemental magic in the body, which allows improving physical parameters, in particular — speed. Alhawa is able to move at such a speed that "afterimages" (mirages) remain from him.

He also has an outstanding strategic mind, capable of tactical maneuvers and the implementation of control over the surrounding world during competition or battle.

It is also worth considering Alhawa's engineering skills. In combination with his weapons and tools, he is able to effectively use physical, intellectual, magical and practical resources at the same time, which makes him an extremely dangerous opponent in various fields.

However, Alhawa is not the strongest person in the history of the continent. His skills indicate more professionalism and discipline than innate talent. His abilities are interesting and distinctive, but they are not so strong that they allow him to claim a completely different level: in general, Alhawa deserves respect for strength, but nothing more.

Alhawa is not very developed in magic, with the exception of the element of fire, which he uses extremely rarely. His main skills are the standard "fire projectiles" and breath, which he combines with fire breath, creating a "smoldering fog". This fog can be easily extinguished, but it leaves steam that must be fanned or cooled. In other elements, besides fire, Alhawa develops a combination of air and chaos, which allows him to "push" himself, increasing his maneuverability and speed, making him faster and more agile than an ordinary person.

It should be noted that Alhawa stands out among ordinary magicians for his intellectual ability and potential, but his military training and physical strength require significant investment and time to develop.

Philosophy behind the character

Alhawa, as has been said before, is a character of tragedy and absurdity. He has no full-fledged motivation except for self-realization through the prism of his own self-destruction. Alhawa is the embodiment of the conflict between the desire for order and the inevitable chaos that accompanies human nature. His procession, which some may call life, is a continuous search for self-realization through destruction or in a crusade for acceptance, where each achievement is accompanied by the realization of the meaninglessness of the path taken. In the end, Alhawa will begin to devour himself not only as an element of the evaluation system, but also philosophically. His internal conflict, "alone with himself", is inevitable: he does not fight for great goals, but fights for the right to exist within the framework of survival itself. Even if this requires sacrificing his "individuality", for him individuality is only a tool, not a means of survival.

His approach to life reflects the essence of an existential paradox: the desire to reach heights while being fully confident that any achievements are ephemeral. This makes Alhawa a philosophical "anti-hero" and contrasts him with the standard path of the "Jungian hero". He rejects the heroic archetype for the sake of honesty before his dependencies and before himself. His choice is determined neither by honor nor duty, but only by the inner need to move forward. In essence, his choice is not determined by anything, because his choice is worth nothing. His choice is of no interest to anyone, not even to himself, and this is the essence of his lostness.

Sometimes some observers of events unwittingly or even forcibly become accomplices of these events. They do not have any subtext within themselves, no other thought or philosophy; they are simply a moving force that was directed from the slope of being towards the chaos and anarchy of some event. Even if they do not imply chaos or anarchy, they somehow deliver it to the "destination" and become a changing real force or forces.

Alhawa is a spectator who was forced to become an actor. And now the whole theater is a mess. An unknown, frightening mess, taking lives and everything that can be dear not only to a person, but to the world as a whole. A mess that takes time. His use of chaotic elements of magic serves as a symbol of his inner philosophy: chaos is not destruction for the sake of destruction, but a tool that allows you to go beyond the usual. And ultimately, this chaos will destroy him as a strong-willed, self-conscious person. Alhawa will survive, but as a body. And the "idea" of Alhawa will die and be reborn only after a few years, in order to "die" physically this time and preserve his idea as a person.