Reviewish: Godzilla: King of the Monsters



"That doesn't make any sense."

"Okay this breaks the hand-wavy bullshit rules you JUST established like three minutes ago."

"These things level cities and they don't kill them when they have the chance? Because this tenderheart convinced them not to? What world-entirely-unlike-our-own-is this supposed to be?"

"Why wouldn't they stop him?"

"Why would he do that?"

"That's not how––"

"Bro, your organs should be liquified."

"Did you forget you have a ranged weapon....again?"

"Physics doesn't work like that."

"Conventional weapons should not be this useless unless their skin is like 100 feet of reinforced concrete."

"How did you get over there so fast?"

"How in Zues's butthole are you not dead?"



"There's this thing called water pressure...."

"Was that supposed to be a joke?"

"This doesn't make any goddamn sense!"

"That would have vaporized literally any human and most early model terminator robo––but of COURSE she's alive."

"Statistically speaking, you've been cockblocked more than you've actually gotten in a coup de grace. Maybe you should stick to lightning?"

"Wow. Millie Bobby Brown is the only one who didn't phone this performance in."


"How is he standing up in the middle of the fucking ocean?"

"Is that building made out of Jenga blocks? He barely touched it."

"I'm pretty sure no one who wrote this movie knows how a 'pack' moves."

"Was that our tender moment?"

"Oh for the love of fuck no one CARES about this character."

"Oh cool, the eye-popping CGI goddamned lizard is fighting the eye popping CGI three-headed hydra again! Fuck yeah!"

If the above sounds like, to you, a generally acceptable experience for a movie outing, you're gonna LOVE Godzilla: King of Monsters.