To Date or Not to Date

So I'm dating.

No, that's not true. I'm not dating. I'm terrible at dating. I haven't dated since high school. I usually just hang out with people (sometimes that's online) until they ask me if they can jump me. Then after that, maybe we go on dates.

It's not the same

I also have ongoing relationships. They are fulfilling. They are distant though or with people who are married and have a lot of their own shit. They were good right after the break up. They were what I needed. I still treasure them.

Three years on, though, I'm feeling better. I sort of don't try to smash square pegs into round holes

And I write. A lot. It eats up a lot of my time.

So I'm not dating.

I don't want to date.

But I'm starting to that's-not-a-moon the idea that I may have no choice.